No Turning Back
by speedfanatic05
Summary: When the choice is there, will they turn back? DuCaine. Rated M for possible future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

No Turning Back

Genre: Romance

Spoilers: Seasons 1-6

Couple: Horatio/ Calleigh

Rating: M for possible future chapters…

A/N: Here's my attempt at DuCaine. The response dictates whether this continues…. Enjoy!

A/N#2: I do not own any characters nor do I own CSI: Miami. I do plan on returning them…eventually…

The lab had been darkened for some time now, the day shift having long been gone and the night shift out on scenes, the emptiness serving as a constant reminder that crime in Miami never stopped. As she meandered through the deserted halls, her mind relived the day in living color, one scene after the other, until the memory began to flow into countless others. What they saw day in and day out, what they took with them at the end of the night was a heavy burden, one that wasn't easily relinquished. That weight settled around them ominously, imposing on their lives. Only a select few were ever able to be successfully in shedding the oppressive weight. Some used their families, others their hobbies, but for those who didn't have either, for _him_, there was no way to wash away the pain, the hurt, the despair. For him, it was always a constant reminder of his loss, a loss that he valiantly tried to ignore. She was determined to change that, knowing that on a night like tonight, he needed something to anchor to, to give him hope. Too many years had passed between them and tonight, she wanted to release him from the binds of desolation.

Ascending the stairs to his office, a small smirk appeared, noticing that his was the only light burning in the darkness, a beacon that used to be a testament to his devotion but now only served to speak to his loneliness. The years hadn't been kind to him in the least bit; from losing many friends in the line of duty, two of which still haunted him daily, to the very core of his being snatched away by one bullet, Horatio Caine had seen his fair amount of pain. And, as this happened, she had sat by idly, watching him suffer through this, her heart breaking at the sight of a broken man. She had been through her share of grief and disappointments as well, but they paled in comparison. Horatio's spirit had been desecrated and she believed she had the power to mend him. Under her loving touch, he wouldn't be completely healed, but she hoped that he'd be on the path to understanding. He'd been so long without love she couldn't stand to allow him even one second more of it.

Coming to rest at his door, she ran her hand through her blond strands and took a deep, cleansing breath, steeling her nerves for what she was about to do. Their history had told of her fascination of him; their flirty banter and glances, although lessening with time, was the one moment she had been true to herself and her feelings. She truly wanted to know how it would feel to be enveloped in his arms, to feel his soft touch on her skin, the gentle manner he would take her as they made love, even the intensity that she knew was bubbling under that cool exterior. At that thought, she bit her lip and smiled remembering how she pondered those exact thoughts for years on end, watching him establish relationships with other women, even congratulating him on marriage when she wanted to be the one who held his hand, who pronounced her undying love for him. She wanted to be the one he centered his life around, fiercely protecting her with everything he possessed. She wanted to be the one whom he loved more than anything else.

Raising her hand to knock, she exhaled heavily once more and then set the forces in motion with a quick rapt at the door. Despite the growing anticipation that manifested as nerves, she knew that there was no turning back.

Silence met her first knock and she crinkled her brow in confusion, sure that he was in there. She hadn't seen him for hours and a trip to the garage confirmed through evidence of his car still in his space, but as she stood longer, shifting her weight, she began to doubt that he was really there. Dropping her fist, a cloud of disappointment hovered over her as the silence continued to permeate through the still, darkened lab. Her heart fell at the missed opportunity and she turned, defeated, her thoughts now traveling to her own lonely existence, her eyes beginning to well. In her quest to show him hope, she was also exercising her own personal demons and loss. Turning, she felt the sting of rejection, even though she hadn't seen him face to face to determine that this just wasn't meant to be. Time and chance had stolen that from her and as she set her sights on her retreat, she began to force herself to accept it.

"Calleigh?" he called, his soft voice laced in part with confusion and intrigue. She turned on her heels quickly and wiped at her eyes, her heart speeding up at the sight of him. As he emerged fully into the corridor, she took in his form accentuated by the absence of his suit coat, the crisp white button up hugging him in all the right places. A shadow fell on his face but she could tell he was perplexed; his voice still unsure "Is there something wrong?"

Calleigh smiled and shook her head as she approached him; sure that her heart was going to leap out of her chest, his decidedly enticing aroma beginning to surround her. In what was a tumultuous mix of Miami air and his own masculine scent, it always awed her that his distinct aroma survived the day. Intoxicated by that smell, she laughed lightly, "Ah…no. I was leaving and I saw that you were still here and decided to test my wills in an effort to get you to leave. What are you still doing here, Horatio?"

In truth, Horatio didn't know that answer and as he shifted his weight uneasily, he was unable to come up with a valid excuse. All the work had been done, and he had miraculously caught up on the massive mountain of paperwork that used to inhabit his desk. No, in truth, he didn't want her to know that he was spending the last night of the year in solitude, reliving each debilitating loss. Relying on his standard line, emphasizing neither truth nor lie, a smirk rose, "Miami never closes."

"As true as that may be, you're still not expected to run yourself in the ground." She quirked her brow as she crossed her arms about her chest as she lazily admired him, his features, though weary, still holding her fascination. Since the moment they met, she'd been instantly drawn to the deep blue pools of his eyes as if she'd been seduced into a trance. There had been often times that she'd stared at them for so long that she'd forgotten the conversation, having been brought back by his questionable tone.

Inwardly shaking herself now, she frowned and glanced to the clock, "It's New Year's Eve, Horatio. A time for new beginnings…surely you don't want to begin this New Year reliving the past, do you?"

"Sometimes, Calleigh, that's all I find myself doing these days," he answered, his voice worn. He gestured to her and forced a small smile, "Don't you have a date tonight? Someone to bring in the New Year right?"

Calleigh bowed her head and bit her lip, not wanting him to see the sadness in her eyes. She'd been through so much in the past few years that she'd began to think that what she felt didn't matter. Finally able to lift her head she sighed and turned her intentions now on leaving before she embarrassed herself further.

"I'm sorry, Horatio. I didn't mean to bother you. I just…well never mind. Happy New Year. See you tomorrow."

Before she could reach the door, Horatio felt something inside of him bloom, and he reached to turn her to face him completely. He knew she wasn't going to talk, so he had to implore on another level. Searching her eyes, he crinkled his own, "You came for a reason, didn't you? You haven't said why."

His touch ignited a long dormant fire within her and she met his gaze, hoping that he would see what she felt, the unspoken words of love and concern that she had harbored all those years now surging through her, "For years, I've seen you do this to yourself. I've seen your pain and suffering, but for tonight, I wanted to show you that it doesn't have to hurt anymore." Moving closer to him, she lifted her hand and ran it over his cheek softly, watching as his eyes slid close almost blissfully at her touch. Her heart thrummed to life at the recognition of her touch and she whispered more, "I wanted to show you that you matter- to me."

Her words softened him, easing the dulling pain that he'd carried for so long, and her hand massaging his doubts away. When he opened his eyes, he saw the beautiful face that for years taunted him with her bright smile and sparkling eyes and sighed, his own weary visage feeling as if it weighed a ton. He wanted what she was offering, had thought about it constantly over the years, despite their distance. There was always a sense of longing that had deeply imprinted on him when it came to Calleigh, but time and circumstance never allowed him that luxury.

The air had suddenly been charged with an urgency like nothing he'd ever felt before, his brain was screaming for logic while his body commanded his deepest desires. Taking her hand into his, he brought it to his lips and kissed it softly, his blue eyes holding her steady and determined gaze. Breaking that gaze was difficult, but not as difficult as the words that were now on the tip of his tongue.

Unable to lift his eyes to hers, he sighed, "As much as I want this, Calleigh, we can't. It's a boundary that I won't cross with you…"

The moment had taken her and as the words began to filter over her, she felt herself coming back, her brow furrowing. He was denying what he needed….what he wanted? Loosening her hand away from his, she scowled, "How can you do this? Night after night, year after year, how can you deny what you know is right, Horatio?"

His head bowed as he took the fury that she expelled, feeling in some instances, that he deserved it. Their history was sorted and filled with potential, but his fears, his apprehensions had put up a boundary in part to keep her safe, but also to retain him. The heated stares and flirtatious banter that they shared often had him wishing he could take her into his arms and make good on the promises that they were both making unconsciously, but ever the stringent one, he contained his passion. Now as he stood in front of her, the soft lighting of the office lamp illuminating her, he could hardly find validation for his claim. Even as she was furious, she was a beautiful creature, one that he realized he was looking for all this time.

As she turned to leave, he reached for her and held her fast, his voice breaking the eerie silence that had settled between them, "Don't….Don't go."

"Don't go? Horatio, there comes a time where we have to make choices. Now is your chance, choose this or let me go. But don't ask me to cross this line with you, and then think nothing changes. From this point, there's no turning back. Everything changes, Horatio. Everything."

Her green eyes lit with the dogged determination that he found so alluring and he took a step closer even as he pulled her into him. Taking in a deep breath, he inhaled the scent that could only be Calleigh; a touch of vanilla and jasmine that had tempted him for years on end, luring him down the road to pleasure. A small smile rose as he caressed her face, his fingers now weaving through her long golden strands.

"What if I don't want to turn back?" he asked as he leaned to whisper into her ear. The room was pregnant with anticipatory silence with nothing but their breathing to echo the question left standing. He pulled away from her slowly, so many questions swirling in his head; what if he was ready to relinquish his control over his deepest desires? What if he was ready to lose himself within her?

The answer of her eyes sliding closed as if waiting for his touch infused him with the desire to keep going, tilting his head as he leaned towards her slightly. The first brush of their lips sent an electrical charge one that he could not simply ignore and it propelled him to do more. Applying more force, he released the strands of her hair and wrapped his arm around her waist crushing his body against hers. Frenzy took over and he found himself pawing at her blouse, trying to get the bloody thing off as she was equally determined to rid him of his shirt. The popping of buttons gave evidence of her success, and he arched a brow as she gazed up at him sexily, biting her lip, her eyebrow lilting just slightly. So many of her facial expressions were fascinating to him, but this was the one he desired to see as he laid claim to her.

Standing and gazing at each other, Horatio smirked and nodded, "A night of choices…"

"Yes, and which one will you choose?" she asked wickedly. Arching her brow, she smirked, "Choose wisely, the rewards will be great…."

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

No Turning Back

**Chapter Two**

"I choose you," he answered easily as his hands ran under the gauzy blouse. The sensation of her skin touching his felt almost like fire to him and as he stared into her eyes, he couldn't help but feel that same sensation being lit throughout his entire body. With logic now out of the way, he was acting on pure instincts, his hands pushing the blouse down her shoulders and then to the floor as he moved closer to her. As soon as the material hit the floor, it was joined by her lacy bra, the pretty material ravaged by his desires.

He gazed at her form, his mouth watering at the sight of her aroused nipples that strained towards him. He longed to take one into his mouth and suck on it hard, practically feeling her hands as they pulled at his coppery strands. The image of her becoming lost in passion coursed through his mind and he suddenly felt the need to strip her of everything. Quickly, he shed her of her trousers and then the matching panties that now rested by the bra, his eyes devouring her .They were standing in the middle of his office and as the lust and desire began to build from deep within, he suddenly had a conundrum. As easy as it would've been to take her right where they stood, Horatio didn't want that. He needed to be able to press into her, to feel her body react as he stroked her to a fever pitch, knowing that once he dove into her deep folds, there was nothing stopping the fire that was raging through him. He needed something that would support them both as he mastered her body.

Quivering at the possessive demeanor he was now displaying, Calleigh felt her body leaning towards his, her hands running up the planes of his chest, annoyed that he was still fully dressed. Biting her lip, her hands moved deftly over the clothing, shedding them piece by piece until he grabbed her hands and held them away, the flame of desire in his eyes making her heart beat faster. It was different, the way they had begun to move with each other, instead of careful, their touch was now deliberate, the electricity burning between them. This night was made for them and she could feel the headiness of the power she was about to wield.

Running her hands down his chest, she leaned her nude form into his, the heat of his skin nearly burning through her as she whispered seductively in his ear, "Wondering what the next step is handsome?"

His low laugh rumbled deeply from his chest as he ran his hand across her forehead, moving the stray strands of golden locks from her eyes as he stared at her, feeling her heated gaze. Shaking his head minutely, he smirked, " I know exactly what the next step is. My question is…where."

Taking a quick glance around the office, she backed up to his desk, feeling the coolness of the cherry wood against her skin, providing a nice contrast to the constant fire that was provided by his touch. His hands were all over her, as if seeking the one place that would lead to the unlocking of her desires. The softness was good, but she was thrilled more with the underlying intensity, as if he were holding back.

A wicked smile gave berth over her features, her brow quirked in a silent question as she motioned in a subtle manner at the desk, "I'm sure there are rules against this."

"It's my office, the night shift is out of the lab, the doors…are locked…" he whispered huskily as his heart began to thunder in his chest at the thought of taking her on his desk. His member hardened and he licked his lips in anticipation, pressing her glorious form more into the massive desk. There was more than enough space for them, and at this very moment, he didn't give a rat's ass about the massive mountain of paperwork, or the insanely expensive desktop computer that shared space on the desk. His only concern was how quick he could shove into her willing body.

The thoughts, coupled with the images pulled at his control and he practically bit on the words coming from his lips, "I only care about what position I'm going to have you in a matter of minutes." His touch drifted from her face to her shoulders, maintaining a slow pace as he traced a line further down. Coming to her hips, they rested on her cool flesh as he leaned in his lips hovering over hers, smiling lightly. Her stance had become relaxed and as she looped her arms around his neck, he arched a brow, "I'm a very flexible man, it's your choice- choose wisely."

Laughing at the sound of her words on his tongue, she leaned closer to his ear, whispering, "Do your worst, handsome."

Her breathless whisper was all the permission he needed and as she pulled away from his ear, he could feel her fingertips meandering at the nape of his neck, flirting with traveling into the deepest parts of his copper locks. Just that one touch incited a fire that would now only be quenched by the sound of her voice screaming his name as he pounded into her relentlessly. His eyes flashed as his member grew harder, spreading her legs to ease his way between them. Without a warning, his lips crashed against hers, and he allowed the control to break, lifting her up and depositing her roughly on the desk, his touch no longer slow but now frantic with need.

The rapid movement threw her for a moment and a small cry of surprise left her lips as they morphed into a wicked smile. She could tell that he was teetering on the edge, the force and the urgency of his kiss was full evidence of the intensity that he was allowing to filter out slowly. She wanted more, even as he licked her lips in the quest to open them, she felt her body reacting, hungering for more of his touch. Allowing him passage, her eyes slid shut as he began to lower her body down on the desk, her long blond hair cascading over the edge. He hovered over her, his kiss deepening and his tongue develing deeper in the quest for dominance. His hard body pressed into hers, and she could feel his arousal on her, her own arousal heating her from with. Her body would not betray her, it would welcome him easily and her mind delighted on that moment where he would enter her and forever change the course that they were on.

Brought back from her musings by his slow movement, another cry rose in her throat as she felt his touch drifting down. She know what he sought and as he left her lips raveaged and throbbing, the sensation of being touched with a feather overcame her and she arched her back, pressing her firm nipples into his chest. The act seemed to propel Horatio further, his light nips now turning into forceful biting, taking pause to suck her flesh in between his lips. As he marked her almost violently, she moaned blissfully, now fully aware of his hand that was now delving between her folds. A deep rumble of success met her ear and as he began to stroke her body, his mark was left, the area now aflame with heat. Horatio proceeded slowly, continuing to stroke her passion as he kissed his way down the length of her body, at points pausing to admonish her through the light brushes of his lips. Her hear t thrummed with anticipation, knowing where this path was leading him. As he inched down further and parted her legs more, Calleigh bit her lip and allowed her head to lull, the sight of his chair sitting unoccupied fading as her lids slid shut in bliss, his soft kisses now finding their target. At first, his kiss was slow, thoughtful, even methodical, but as she felt the need raging within her, clawing at the desire to be released, his kiss became carnal, even possessive. He palmed her thighs and spread them even more as he devoured her, her chest now heaving at the exertion of trying to remain quiet. What he was doing to her set her body afire with more passion than she'd ever experienced and as he lapped furiously she began to feel her own control receding, pushing the pleasure outwards.

Horatio could feel her body response to his actions and knit his brow deeply as he continued to taste of her. She was addictive, almost to the point where he didn't want to stop once her body relinquished control of it, rewarding him with the sound of her pleasured voice as she began to come down. Even as he slowly parted from her, his eyes drifting from her glistening sex, he knew he wasn't nearly done. His member throbbed with demand, and as his hands released her thighs and traveled up her torso, he watched her chest rise and fall as the blissful high began to subside. Following the path that his hands took, he trailed her stomach with his tongue, coming to rest at her breasts, cupping one as he eyed the other hungrily.

Taking the taut nipple into his mouth, he began to suckle her even as his grip on its mate increased. He looked to see her lost in the throes of passion once more, his arousal now twitching anxiously. He loosened his grip on her breast and dropped his hand to her leg, skimming her skin softly. Lifting it, he inched closer to the heat of her sex and gasped as he slowly began to enter her, the responding cry of relief meeting his ears. He continued to suck and nip at the pebbled tip even as he slid deep within her, the heat now enveloping him completely. A sensation rippled through him and he growled, leaving her nipple wet and throbbing as he straightened his body. The need to pound into her became overwhelming and as the sound of the clock chiming the beginning of a new year filled his office, he looked down at her, a lustful smile inching across his lips. Her skin was flush with desire and her sex was tight, and muscled, her devious smile as she opened her green eyes and the sudden grip on his member told him that he wasn't the only one in control.

"Happy …New Year," she managed between gasps, her eyes closing in unbridled pleasure. She opened her legs wide and spoke again, her voice almost breathless, "No turning, back, Horatio….no…turning back."

Setting into a deeper thrust, he growled his responding promise, " No turning back, Calleigh…"

As the chimes continued on, he dove into her relentlessly, determined to make good on his promise. Things were never going to be the same between them, but as he mastered her , the power of that thought lingered and he was willing to welcome whatever he now faced.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

No Turning Back

**Chapter Three**

**A/N: It's about to get hot… If you're of age to read this, enjoy. If not, don't.**

_Sinful Pleasure. His touch sears my skin as he dresses me, our eyes never wavering from each other. The intensity between us is electrical, I feel as if I'll burst into flames, and nearly do when his hand ghosts over my breasts before stepping away from me, admiring his work. We'd just made love on his desk, and I glance back at it, a knowing, wicked smirk riding my lips. The sensation of the cherry wood of his desk pressing into my skin is still pulsating through me and my blood burns in my veins at the thought of having him again, and I bite my lip, the images running wildly through my mind. His touch was masterful, yet loving, as if he'd been waiting for this moment all his life. I crave him now, and I make that known as we begin to leave his office, the air filled with expectation. I can't keep my hands off of him, and I'm glad that the lab is still empty. As we stroll through the darkened corridors, I take his hand in mine and squeeze, hoping that he will give me the pleasure of seeing his blue eyes transform into something sensual. I got a glimpse of that while we made love, and suddenly I needed to have that lustful gaze, the gaze that I knew was mine alone._

_In my appreciative gaze, I don't notice that we've made it to the bank of elevators and as he leans to press the button, I reach for him almost hungrily, flashing what I hope, a sensual , wicked smile. He returns the smile back and as the doors slide open, I practically push him in, and plant him against the wall. The heat wafting from him causes my heart to speed up and I arch my brow as I speak, licking my lips decorously for the desired effect, "Finally I can get you against a wall."_

_I can see the dangerous lust in her sparkling green eyes as she pins me against the coolness of the wall of the elevator. At this point, I wouldn't give a rat's ass how she did it, but I needed to feel her touch on my skin. The raging urges drain down to my loins and I'm on fire for her, the images of her angelic face staring back at me as I took her body, searing into my consciousness. At the thought of her luscious body writhing in blissful pleasure, I felt myself hardening, the deep carnal urges warring with my steeled control. I wanted so much to rip her clothes off and mount her, taking as she gave until she screamed in abandonment. I'd heard her scream once already, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm addicted to her voice strained sensually. My arousal deepens and my eyes leave hers for the slightest moment to look at the floors ticking slowly down, the heat building within my body. If we make it to our destination fully clothed, it would be a miracle. The only thing that is on my mind as the elevator opens, is how fast I can get myself between her legs…_

Their actions were a flurry of motion and lust, barely able to get into the house before stripping each other of their clothes. He looked to her, feeling her sexual desires from just her intense stare, the power of it almost heady. How they managed to get to his doorstep without ripping their clothing to shreds amazed him, but it was only a matter of seconds after the door slid shut that they were pawing at each other. There was nothing but silence between them, the heat of their first encounter now morphing into something more primal, more need based. Horatio was only barely able to sustain his control enough to force her body against the wall, her blouse now hanging in tatters, giving him a glimpse of her ample bosom. When dressing, he purposefully left off her bra, loving the fact that he could see the points of her hardened nipples while on their way. Now as he stared down at them, he hungered to slip them into his mouth and suck them until she was out of her mind with pleasure.

Palming her breasts possessively, he spoke in a low sensual tone, it practically vibrating through his entire body, "I've waited too long, I need to be inside of you."

"Well, wait no longer, Lieutenant Caine," Calleigh drawled seductively, "my body's yours. It's always been yours."

Staring into her eyes, he could feel the passion as it continued to build between them and he reached for her face to caress it gently. Slowly, he inched towards her, his heart beating steadily, the anticipation of their lips touching sending a bolt of excitement through him. He didn't know how he slowed his lustful intentions, but something was pulling him to savor the moment between them. Tracing his fingers down the slope of her cheek, he smiled lightly and allowed his eyes to follow his finger tips, his expert touch leaving raised flesh in their wake. He was astonished at her response; he never knew that his touch would elicit such a receptive reply.

The silence was thick but telling, and the scorching heat of their passion became muted under his slow touch, as if to relish. Her eyes slid shut as a shudder coursed through her body, her hands now seeking him out. As much as she wanted to speed up the process, she knew that this was something that had to be done. The frantic pace of their lovemaking initially was what they needed, now, it was all about learning. Now it was about connecting on the basic of levels.

Pulling herself flush to his body, Calleigh whispered, "Take me to bed, Handsome." Wrapping her arms around his neck, she held him close as her lips brushed his lightly, the transference of energy threatening to impede on their slower tempo. Gaining control of herself, she advanced again, her lips crashing against his hungrily. There was no denying the attraction between them, every touch, and every responding moan gave evidence to the need that had been there, dormant for years.

Bending slightly, Horatio lifted her into his arms effortlessly, blue searching green for any sign that this was something that they shouldn't do. Instead of the warning he thought would come, he saw the permission to keep going. His gait was slow but steady, his eyes never leaving hers as he made his way blindly to his room, not letting her go until he reached the edge of his bed. The silence was thick but pregnant with potential as he set her down, her arms now lingering over his shoulders. The delicate touch that was hers ticked against his skin, a light smile coming over him as he stared at her. She was transfixed on her slowly moving fingers as they meandered over the expanse of his shirt, taking the buttons slowly. He was content to let her take her time and as the sounds of the impending storm began to brew, he resigned himself to her, completely.

As they made love slowly and passionately, the storm grew in intensity, the lightening splitting the sky as the almost angry roar of thunder assaulted the Miami night, at times mocking the waning and cresting of their rhythm and breathless gasps of pleasures that echoed in the home. It wasn't until they were both found completion within each other and were satiated beyond belief that they quelled their desires and nestled with each other, the soft rain that had accompanied the raging storm now becoming a lullaby, coaxing them as they lay intertwined in each other's arms. With the exception of the soft falling of the rain and their even breathing, there was no sound, the remnants of the afterglow of their sex lingering. A lazy smile inched over Horatio's lips and he exhaled, for once, ready to meet an unknown future. Sure that she was falling quickly into a slumber, Horatio closed his eyes slowly and relaxed, allowing the ambient sounds of the cascading shower to run over him, lulling him into darkness. The ramifications of the night and their actions were oblivious to them as they drifted, and neither would worry about it until the easing of the morning light.

TBC….


	4. Chapter 4

No Turning Back

**A/N: I did not forget this, I merely ran out of time and my muse decided to go mute. After a long absence, I am attempting to further this story… Thanks to those who have reviewed and made it a favorite, I owe you a debt of gratitude…**

**Chapter Four**

The thin veil of fog began to lift and his eyes blinked rapidly before fully opening, the sun's beam assaulting them. Horatio lay there, staring almost dumbfounded at the presence of light, his mind struggling to make sense of everything. He was in his bed, but the aroma of her surrounded him, clouding his thoughts for a brief moment as he reconciled his memories of what had transpired between them. He crossed the threshold with her, started on a path that he was, in the light of day, unsure of. It was only meant to be a dream he pulled from when he was feeling alone- a dream that he could consolidated within his by the sounds of the shower and her light voice, he could also surmise that what was becoming evident through his memories that this was not a dream, but desires wrought into reality. Deep down, his feelings had simmered for her, but his actions last night, precipitated by the strong urge not to be alone propelled him into her arms, crossing a boundary he knew he could never cross back over again. They were both in new territory, and suddenly, Horatio didn't know how he felt about it. Confusion suffused into guilt at the thought of what they'd done and it began to settle within him heavily. He should've known better to let his emotions rule him and now, he found himself in a position that he never wanted to be in or to put her in.

Rising, he rubbed his eyes roughly and the images of her body under his enveloped him, prompting him to open his eyes quickly, and the dull ache of arousal beginning to form. Despite the longing to feel her skin under his once more, there was a slither of logic that began to take root, telling him that this course of action was unwise. Moving quickly, Horatio stood and surveyed the room, seeing the vestiges of their passionate night in the haphazardly scattered clothing, each piece bringing up another image. As he moved around the room, collecting his clothing, the sound of her voice met his ear and he stopped in his tracks, the echoes of ecstasy filling him simultaneously. He would never forget the sound of her voice strained with pleasure as he mastered her body and emotions, the sound being sweeter than anything he'd heard before. He'd gone greedy, taking control just to hear her relinquish it, the rush of adrenaline that coursed through him at the sound of his name uttered on her lips breathlessly pushing him further. He wasn't satisfied until he had her within the grips of unadulterated bliss, her admonishments filling the empty void he was so adamant about losing.

A wicked smile traversed his lips as he replayed the night , even down to the tiniest second and the lightest touch, his heart suddenly blooming as the flurry of images rested on just one. With her snuggled against his cooling skin, Horatio had felt something he wasn't sure he should've been feeling at the moment. The emotion was foreign to him, yet inviting. He was suddenly presented with a plethora of thoughts and feelings that he had no idea to do with them. Each logical thought was canceled by the sheer desire that welled inside of him. The situation was not as simple as the lusty proclamations he'd heard through the night. Not turning away from this was going to be harder than he thought.

A cooled touch around his waist pulled him from his musings and all doubts for the moment were chased away by her body pressing against his. In the serenity of his home, away from prying eyes, he could enjoy her touch, but he wondered briefly how he would be able to interact with her at the lab without dissolving into beastly urges, exactly like the ones that had produced the passion that surged over the previous night.

Banishing the baffling thoughts, he turned in her arms and his eyes settled on her, his heart instantly reacting. Fresh from a shower, Calleigh looked all the more inviting; her hair which was normally golden in its dry state was now darkened by the dampness of the hot shower and plastered mouthwateringly on her skin. His tongue ached to lather the exact spots that the lengthy tresses clung to, but he resisted the urge. A simple nudge brought his eyes back to hers and he was breathless with wonderment at how her bejeweled gaze further stoked the heat that had been brewing since waking. The tiny drops of water that she forgot to dry tantalized him even more, his body quaking to feel her once again.

Calleigh arched her brow decisively and questioned, "You were a million miles away, handsome. Mind letting me in on the secret?" Her arms encircled his neck and she licked her lips as her eyes traveled to his, recounting the tireless moments the night before where those lips grazed her skin softly. Pulling herself closer, she matched his gaze, "I'm betting that you were thinking about last night. I have to admit, so was I. Every second in the shower, where the water hit me…where you touched me…"

The wicked words enveloped in her soft accented voice pulled a tremor from him and he ran his hand over her dampened hair, an easy smile coming over him . The arousal that he was fighting so valiantly was about to run rampant over her, staking his carnal desires on her willing body. His brow lit gently as he saw her expression turn at the presence of his hardened member and he chuckled throatily, "I've spent the better part of fifteen minutes replaying last night. So, you tell me."

His hand took the towel that was delicately wrapped around her and pulled, revealing her firm, glorious form. Licking his lips, his fingers skimmed her moist back and leaned closer to her ear, " Last night…was…incredible." As instant as the words left his lips, his fingers stopped, holding their place on the small of her back, "This morning is proving to be just as incredible."

Calleigh could feel the anticipation in the air as she sunk her fingers into his unruly copper strands, pulling slightly. Her heart hammered in her chest as her lips found the tender skin of his neck, the remnants of his cologne assaulting her senses. Kissing him softly, she whispered, "What are you waiting for, handsome?"

The simple pause of his hand brought logic and he cleared his throat as he skimmed back to her waist, pulling her away. He could feel her defiance by the stiffening of her arms around his neck, but he continued to pull, looking up into confused eyes. As much as he wanted to replay the night, there was also the issue of work. A short glance at the clock brought him back to reality, and he sighed heavily, cupping her cheek, "We have work to get to. Tonight…."

"Is coming," Calleigh finished knowingly. His stance had drifted from aroused to business like and she knew she would get no further. Releasing him completely, she nodded and licked her lips sensually, "I'm going to hold you to that promise, Lieutenant. But …I was wondering. Can I snag a kiss before I go? I want to have something to look forward to."

The innocence in her request caused him to falter and he smirked deviously, "You need something to look forward to?" Seconds was all it took for him to forget the time factor and all other pressing matters, thrusting her to the opposing wall. She exploited his lapse in judgment, and perhaps control and now he was allowing the beast within to have its way.

Slipping into her awaiting body without murmuring a word, he heard his cell and growled, his thrust becoming more powerful. Soon, her cries of pleasure drowned out the cell and he focused solely on completion, himself moaning as her heat devoured him. The pace was furious, and mind numbing, the exchange of heat and friction driving him. The only thing that mattered at the moment was her. Damn the lab.

/No Turning Back/

Furrowing her brow at the task before her, Natalia clucked her tongue as she pondered on the problem, her fingers flying over the keyboard in rapid succession. Concentrating on the job had become easier said than done, especially with the night she had last night. A harmless night at home, looking forward to the ball dropping in New York City had turned into a carousing, drink filled haze turn at the hottest club in Miami that she was still struggling to remember even now in the light of day. A small smile eased over her lips as she did capture an image of a dark skinned man who slung her into his arms possessively, yet harmlessly, her giggle enticing him more. The thought of the heavy petting that followed as the bass line thumped in the background, had her clearing her throat as the smile grew and her brow arched, tucking the images back in the recesses of her mind. She was still learning how to trust, but having fun every once in a while wasn't too far off the mark for her. She wasn't about to let past hurts take reign over her life.

Exhaling lightly, she lifted her eyes and saw as she strode through the corridors, the form fitting black ensemble plastering itself onto her body. Calleigh was known for her fashion as well as her well defined skills at the range, and her beauty was legendary, but even the black slacks that flared and the black button up that accented her very formidable assets gave her an air that Natalia couldn't quite pin point. Her eyes widened as she continued to watch her move fluidly, taking in the smile that was both devious and sweet at the same time and came to one conclusion. Calleigh got laid last night.

A flurry of activity had Natalia at the door and pulling it open, calling to Calleigh just as she passed. When Calleigh turned and met her anxious gaze with a mischievous bejeweled one, Natalia confirmed her theory. A few steps was all it took for Natalia to meet the southern blond and she crossed her arms at her chest as she shifted her weight and looked upon her appreciatively. The forlorn expression that the ballistics expert had worn for weeks was now nothing but a memory as something totally different surfaced.

"So, you're going to dish, or are you going to make me work for the answers?" the young Latina asked, arching her brow. Smirking, her eyes surveyed the completeness of Calleigh and centered in on the faint marking just under her jaw line, "Something tells me you had a very unusual night. Did you go out?"

Calleigh's eyes shifted to the passing trio of lab techs and chuckled, "No, I just had a very relaxing night indoors. It was very liberating."

"Yeah, that little hickey under your jaw explains the liberation. Is it anyone that I know?" Natalia inched forward at the thought of garnering a name and smiled, "He must've been incredible, your smile can ignite flames and warm hearts."

Waving dismissively, Calleigh frowned lightly, "Aw, c'mon, Natalia. You know it's not my nature to kiss and tell. I just had a really good time last night, and it was something that I needed." At that precise moment, he passed and she arched a brow, a breath escaping slowly as her eyes followed his lean form, the material of his black suit moving deliciously in the right places, the royal blue shirt playing off his magnificent blue eyes deftly. The tiny smirk that rode his lips lit his soulful eyes and he even chuckled as he continued to listen to the tech without actually giving him the attention. They held each other's gaze briefly before Calleigh broke it and returned to Natalia, shaking herself, "What did you say, Natalia?"

The scene before her was charged with a certain energy and Natalia snickered, "You weren't the only one who got lucky last night. I can't tell you when the last time I've seen Horatio as content. Maybe this is a change for the better."

Calleigh couldn't help but laugh at Natalia's misperception and started to turn to walk away, "Well, that's what New Year's is about, right? New beginnings?" A brief pause and a wave of the file in her hand gave her the way out and she turned completely, "See you later, Natalia."

"Yeah, see ya," Natalia answered back knowingly. She shook her head and returned back to the lab, wondering just how much had changed in the span of a night.

TBC…..


	5. Chapter 5

No Turning Back

**Chapter Five**

The rush of adrenaline through her body sparked and she felt his hands groping her possessively just as his lips crushed against hers. All morning, she'd suffered through test after test, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking when he was away from her. She couldn't help or stop the images that pulsated through her mind at will, bringing with them the small knowing smirk that more of the same undeniable passion was to come. In the span of just one night, all of her misconceptions about her lieutenant were laid to waste. She could no more deny the attraction and the near animalistic desire that now ruled her thoughts as well as her body. Just one night was enough to solidify everything she'd known from the moment she'd seen him; she was in love with him.

The sound of his heavy breathing against her skin pulled her out of her thoughts and she smirked as his fingers lifted her shirt and skimmed her exposed skin just as his tongue was doing the same thing. The urge to rip his clothes to shreds right there in her lab became almost too much to bear, the ecstasy and the thrill adding to the adrenaline. Her fingers threaded through his copper strands and pulled, the action bringing about his reaction of gripping her flesh. Her own hands moved against his shirt, the feeling of the material moving against her skin adding to the already overwhelming sensations that were spilling through her body. She was trying to maintain a sense of decorum, but if he grabbed her ass again, all bets were off.

A throaty chuckle rose from her as she lulled her head back, giving him more access to the supple skin of her neck, the frantic pace seemingly to ebb and flow. An insatiable hunger took over and stopped all logical thinking as she released the strands of his hair to allow a hand to travel to his shoulder and then to the front of his shirt, her nimble fingers toying with the buttons. Heated passion suffused through them both, but she could feel the slight hesitation breaking through and eventually slowing before he pulled away altogether. A frown broke across her lips as she opened her eyes, the expression on his face strained between what he wanted and what was sensible.

"What's wrong, handsome?" she asked as she continued to slip the buttons out of their holes, hoping that he wouldn't notice and put a stop to it. Even as the confusion remained, a sultry smirk replaced the frown and she cut her eyes to him, seeing the effort he was putting into gathering his senses. His touch drifted away and she sighed, "We were just getting to the best part."

Horatio ran a hand through his hair and stepped out of her space and turned his back to her, knowing the affects of her sensual smile, "We're at work, Calleigh. What would've happened if someone were to walk in? Do you realize what kind of line we're walking here?" The disappointment thrummed through him and he turned his head slightly, glancing at her briefly, his arousal close to clawing its way out. He couldn't afford a misstep; he couldn't risk everything he'd work for to allow the pleasure of her body.

Calleigh pursed her lips at his insistent tone and exhaled, determined not to let this get to her. The memory of his hands all over her body overruled the irritation that now began to surface over the war that was brewing between his desires and his professional role.

Giving him a dismissive wave, she glanced away, "We're in the firearms lab, and no one ever comes here unless I know about it." Approaching him, she placed her hand gently on his back and whispered, "We could be down here for hours and no one would know. I'd say we're not risking a thing."

Annoyed by his unwillingness to surrender to the moment and his deep seated passions, Horatio retorted bitingly, "And spending hours down here is exactly what the tax payers pay us to do, right Calleigh?" His thoughts erupted, the logic conflicting with the pure desire and he moved away from her touch. It wasn't helping that his memory of their night and their heated embrace moments ago were pushing at his resolve, but also her inability to see how wrong it was to engage in this type of behavior at work. Perhaps, he thought to himself as he finally turned to her fully, it was wrong to cross that boundary in the first place. Doing so had shifted his focus and now his every thought was of how fast he could bring her to completion under his hand.

"I didn't say that, Horatio." Irritability now turned to anger and she worked her hands over her body to straighten her shirt and then smoothed her hair, incensed at the connation of his words. How could he think she'd shirk her duty as an officer of the law just to risk a tryst in her lab? She had been certain of the timing; no one was going to darken her door for hours. Faced with his stiff countenance, a scowl now replaced the passionate smirk and her tone turned icy as she focused on a report that was lying open at her fingertips, "If there is nothing else, _Lieutenant_, I suppose I should be getting to my duties."

The disappearance of her warmth was evident as she showed him her back, her attention now solely on the report and he averted his eyes, studying the floor intently, "I'll leave you to your work then, Detective."

"Yeah, you do that," she mumbled, knowing her tone bordered on insubordination. Slamming her hand down, she spoke, "Horatio, look, I'm sorry. I know…" Looking up, she suddenly found herself speaking to air, the door closing gently as if a ghost had just passed through. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she then exhaled heavily and slammed the file shut, moving fluidly from her place. The tricky part about crossing a boundary that wasn't meant to be crossed was how to work around the conflicts it brought along with it. She had her work cut out for her.

TBC….


	6. Chapter 6

No Turning Back

**Chapter Six**

The incessant clicking of the soles of his shoes unnerved him as he made progress to the firearms lab, the sheet of paper feeling like a ton in his hand. Since that moment in her lab almost three months ago, things had cooled considerably between them. What was filled with immeasurable pleasure was now nothing but an empty shell, the shared glances between them brief and cold with disregard. He could tell by the sadness that now encased her bewitching eyes that she was disappointed in his broken promise to her, but he couldn't help what had transpired between them and the resulting affect it had on him. Above all, he knew his role in life, but with her, the confusion blurred the lines, and that was something he wanted to distance himself from.

The fallout from their moment had forced them apart, the witty and sometimes loaded bantering between them ceasing. Most of the time, Horatio had tried to avoid working with her, instead enlisting the aid of Eric or even Ryan when investigating a scene. He hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings, but he couldn't run the risk of losing control over his desires. The decision had pushed her away completely and he rarely saw or heard from her when they were in the lab. If he needed ballistics results, he usually sent his partner at the moment, or she would send them by a lab tech. Their exposure to each other had retreated back behind the boundary where he was content to let it stay. The relationship suffered to say the least, but the risks were no longer a threat. Despite this, his concern for her was still rampant, and it was what led him to tread her doorway.

Coming to the firearms lab, he paused at the door, his hand hovering over the steel frame as the thoughts coursed through his mind. Even though she was still his subordinate, he had made a terrible transgression against her that he was sure had hurt her tremendously. She wasn't going to take too kindly to him demanding an explanation for the weighted piece of paper in his hands.

Taking in a deep breath, he pushed through and was met with an unearthly silence, something he'd not been accustomed to when entering into the lab. Usually, there was a test fire being ran, or lively discussion between her and another tech, but now, it was as if he'd entered a desolate barren wasteland. The confusion was apparent as he glanced around the deserted firearms lab, walking deeper into the lab at a slow pace, a feeling of forbiddance coming over him. There was something wrong, and he could feel it deeply that it was going to be life changing. Horatio stopped by the scopes and placed his hands on his hips, pondering the lack of activity and reasoned that she may have stepped out.

Turning, he moved for the door, but was stopped in his tracks by the light sound of her throat clearing. Slowly, he faced her and saw for the first time, just how devastated she had been at his betrayal of trust. The light that was usually found in her eyes despite the harshness she'd seen was no longer there, instead replaced by a hardness that unnerved him. Calleigh could be cold , even calculating with perpetrators as she dressed them down in interrogation, but Horatio was rattled that she was now giving him the same demeanor.

Crossing her arms about her chest, she arched her brow and leaned against the door frame leading to her office, her voice lacking the warmth that she'd been accustomed to giving him. She had to admit to herself quickly that she missed the sight of him; even now as her rancor grew , she was finding it hard to tear herself from his soul searching blue eyes and the discontent that now resided in them. The quick image of the passion they shared months ago found her and she became irritated, her brow furrowing at his presence. The allure that clawed its way to freedom all those months ago was now attempting an escape once again, but this time, she didn't give it credence. Instead of losing herself in the thought of them together, she pushed it back, allowing the coldness to rule.

"What can I help you with, _Lieutenant_?" The despondency in her voice was enough to even alarm her, but she continued on as if she'd not even thought about it. Eyeing the piece of paper in his hand, she sighed, "Is there something wrong with a report?"

Forgetting about the paper in his hand, Horatio's heart stuttered as he stared at the transformation that had taken a hold of her. Tension filled the space that they occupied and Horatio furrowed his brow, the words he wanted to say now mixing about in his mind. He was totally taken by her lack of warmth that he'd temporarily forgotten what he'd come down here for. It hurt that she was indifferent to him, but this was exactly what he'd ask for when he refused her in the very same lab.

The rough clearing of her throat and her insistent tone as she called his name brought him back and he glanced at his hand to see the paper, shaking his head lightly, "Ah…um…no, there is no problem with the results." Pause. He closed his eyes to find the words again and then opened them again to see the impatience running rampant over her countenance, steadying himself for the deluge that was sure to come. The right of him to know what was going on with her had been conceded the moment he'd walked out of this lab three months ago.

Stammering, he glanced back at the paper and then studied it, "Why are you taking a medical leave of absence? Is…is there something wrong?"

The question hit her like a palette of bricks and she stared at him, seeing the concern and feeling it in his tone. For a mere second, she thawed enough to see the fear etched in his eyes, but then receded back into her defensive demeanor, retorting, "I've requested the time in accordance with protocol, I do not see an issue with this, Lieutenant, certainly not one that warrants your attention. I would think this would be a question for human resources, not…you."

Taken aback by her defiant tone, Horatio held her gaze steadily, "As your supervisor, I thought it would be prudent to know what was going on with you. As a friend…I'm concerned, Calleigh. What's wrong?"

His insistent, yet gentle tone pushed at her resolve and she broke the steady gaze to look away, her stance relaxing somewhat. She flirted with telling him, but realized that it wouldn't change the months of silence between them and retracted her momentary lapse, "It's nothing, Horatio. I just need to take time for myself is all. I'll be on indefinite leave per doctor's orders. If you need further confirmation, sir, I can provide you with the numbers to my doctor's office."

His irritation ran deep and he sighed heavily, "Calleigh…"

Calleigh took a step toward him and narrowed her eyes, her head tilting as if studying him as a specimen. The anger welled and she spoke haltingly through clenched teeth, "What do you expect for me to do, Horatio? You…you betrayed me. Your silence spoke for itself. I was only good for that one night." Her eyes watered slightly and she found herself angry for that, but holding her ground, "I don't owe you anything, Lieutenant. I followed protocol, just sign the request."

"There's no need for this, Calleigh. I was just…I was being mindful of where we were," Horatio tried vainly. He reached out for her in an attempt to quell the impending fury, his voice softening even more, "Here, we have to be careful what we do; we don't want any undue attention…"

"Did you mean to ignore me then? In the essence of keeping things under wraps, you blatantly ignored me, even away from the lab. That really speaks to your desire toward me, Horatio." The venom in her voice served as fuel and she continued, "I can understand your attitude at work, but not to even call me, come by? Do you know what I felt like, Horatio? Do you know how cheap it felt to be your one night stand?"

The question stung like a well placed slap and Horatio reacted , his tone becoming just as defensive, "Calleigh, I never once thought of you as a one night stand. You're failing to see the reasoning here, I was only keeping our best interests in mind. Do you know what could happen if we were caught fraternizing? We'd both be out of jobs right now."

Calleigh watched as the fiery passion surfaced and felt the aching to concede, to fall into his arms and let all be forgotten, to chalk it up to misunderstanding. But as her thoughts settled, the memory of her lonely nights and his broken promise surged forth and she steadied herself once again. Even though she promised herself she wouldn't turn back once she started on this road with him, which was exactly what she was doing.

Arching her brow, she answered coolly, "Well, it seems that all we're out of now, Horatio is time. Sign the request, or I'll go over your head. This is over." The finality of her words hung in the air and she could even feel the heaviness of them, her heart now sinking as she turned to walk away from him. Knowing that she could never look back, she pushed through the doors of the lab, the echo of her despair lamenting the loss of her heart and soul to him.

TBC…


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: After months collecting dust, the bunnies started nibbling again.**

**Chapter Seven**

_This is over…._

In the deafening silence of his home, the words seemed to cut deeper, the memory of her expressionless eyes and tone of voice when she pronounced the relationship over, etched upon his soul forever. Through the years, Calleigh had her moments of frustration with each member of the team, but this went far beyond frustration, this felt different. Her cold stare still clung to him, and even though he saw a slight hesitation in her eyes, there was no mistaking the finality of the words spoken. If Calleigh Duquesne decided that things were over, then, they were undoubtedly…over.

Sinking deeper into the chair, Horatio picked up the glass of amber liquid and eyed it decisively, recounting every moment since their one night of passion. Horatio knew that his life had ultimately changed the second their skin made contact and he was so certain that he was ready for that change. The more that he relinquished the despondency that filled every second of his life to the hope of something better as they gave freely of themselves, the more he wanted the illusion of happiness she was providing. In the hours that followed their passionate release, Horatio desperately clung to the notion that she would finally give him the solace that he'd been searching for. He had watched her sleep, the sound of the rain cascading over the roof lulling him into visions of love, peace…joy.

Cringing at the fleeting memory, Horatio gripped the glass tighter and then forced it to his lips, allowing the potent concoction entrance. As he swallowed, he grimaced at the burn left in the wake of the liquor, hoping that it would masks the deep sense of loss that invaded him. He had started on the bottle as soon as he entered his home, snatching it up and moving toward the living room, discarding articles of clothing as he went. Now as the bottle stood with over half of the liquor in his belly, he felt the bitternessclawing at him, each thought pulling him back into the darkness.

Slamming the now empty glass down on the table, he eyed the bottle once more before grabbing it roughly about the neck to tilt it toward the glass, his control slipping. As he sloppily poured the next drink, he laughed mirthlessly as the doubt began to course through him like an untamed flame.

"How could you be so stupid to think this would be different?" he questioned aloud, his words slurring slightly. Despite the mood he was in, he was glad that he'd sequestered himself at home instead of out in the open, knowing his intentions for the night. He'd just completely lost any chance at something greater with her, there was no way anyone else was going to be privy to his debilitating pain. He'd succumb to his sorrow alone and fight off the inevitable hangover in the morning, all with the knowledge that she would not be there. Even though the relationship had soured within the months before, he relished in the knowledge that she'd be there, she'd always be there. Now, with her indefinite medical leave, her absence would rub salt into an already festering wound.

Picking up the glass, he questioned himself aloud once more, "Why couldn't you just admit you were scared? You wanted everything she was giving, but you were scared you were going to fuck it up." The tone was harsh, but he believed he deserved the tongue lashing. Arching his brow, he placed the glass to his lips again and smirked facetiously, "Congratulations, asshole."

Taking the drink down again, an unnatural bellow ripped from his throat as he threw the glass across the room, the sound of the shattering adding fuel to his fury. His emotions pushed him to the edge of control, the rage beginning to surface past the boundaries he'd cautiously set. Rarely had he allowed his unpredictable rancor free reign, but as the memories of Calleigh began to drown in the haze of alcohol and a cavernous hole of despair, he released his hold and began to tear through his home. With each piece of furniture he desecrated, the momentary lapse in anger gave over to a deep mournful wail that reverberated throughout his entire being.

Determined not to allow the grief to weaken him, he continued on his tirade, destroying nearly everything in his path, ignoring the blaring sounds of his phone as it rang relentlessly. The cacophony of destruction rose to heights he'd never experienced, but he was too lost to his emotions to even care. Life, as he knew it, was changing once again, and this time, he knew he wouldn't return from the darkness that now claimed him.

/No Turning Back/

"So…are we redecorating?" Alexx asked glibly as she entered into the now sparse living room. On a whim, she felt the need to check in with Horatio, having heard of the startling transformation that had recently occurred. It had been weeks since Calleigh had taken an indefinite leave of absence from the lab, and she'd received many concerned phone calls from Eric and even Natalia detailing the vast difference in Horatio's demeanor. What was once warm and gentle was now desolate and sharp and even Alexx could sense the change in him as he silently came to rest next to her. She felt partly responsible for this; with her time now ensconced at the emergency room, contact with her friends had become far and few in between. Turning to see the absence of light in his eyes, she realized that not keeping up with him had been the worst mistake she'd ever made.

Attempting to limit eye contact with her, Horatio shrugged and moved into the nearly empty room, the faint memory of what had occurred here playing at the edges of his mind. After a drunken fueled rage, Horatio had woken to find nearly everything in his house destroyed, serving as a stark reminder of his loss. Even now as he stood in the living room that once held warmth, he could feel the lingering effects of her absence. He felt the change as soon as it happened, but he was powerless against it. Years of loneliness and despondency had taken its toll on him. Without the hope of happiness, he couldn't seem to muster up the desire to care.

"I needed to make a change," he answered quietly as he stood in the middle of the room. He could feel her questing eyes on him and turned to see her staring at him intently, "I can assure you, Alexx, that nothing's wrong here."

Pursing her lips, Alexx moved past Horatio to a wall and narrowed her brow curiously, "Weren't there pictures here of the team?"

Horatio moved quickly to her side and attempted to avert her attentions elsewhere. There was no way that he could explain how he snatched each photograph off of its mount in his fit of rage, or how even glancing at her beautiful visage kept the searing hole pulsating with loss. Instead he guided her toward the kitchen, waving to the now bare wall off handedly, "As I said, I'm making some changes. Once I'm done, I'm sure they'll be back up."

Alexx stared at his intense glare and stopped their forward motion, snapping her arm from him. He could play his games with the others, but Alexx had known him for far too long not to know when something was on him. Placing her hands on her hips, she squared off with him as he turned slowly, her eyes narrowing. Not only was the light gone from his eyes, but the compassion had drained completely from his expression, leaving nothing more than an empty stare. Whatever the problem was, it was now starting to alarm Alexx tremendously.

Easing her stance slightly, she asked quietly, "Horatio, whatever this is…"

"What is, Alexx?" Horatio countered as he shifted his glance to the floor. His voice was barely audible as if spoken on a whisper of a breath. "There's nothing going on."

Approaching him, Alexx's expression melted and she reached out for him, hoping that she could coax the truth behind the wall he was attempting to raise. "Horatio, baby, there's something that has you, and you'll never be happy until you recognize and deal with it." Stepping closer, she smiled warmly as she lifted his chin, "You know I'm here for you, Horatio. Whatever you need to say, you know it stays with me. Always has."

Finally able to maintain sustainable eye contact, Horatio felt the onslaught of the despair he'd been trying to hold at bay and exhaled heavily. His soul felt weary; all of his energy had been siphoned from battling the demons of his past and most recently from the loss of Calleigh that he had nothing left to give.

Knowing that Alexx could be trusted, he finally felt that he could relinquish what little strength he had left and revealed, "I've screwed up something…great, Alexx." Taking a second, he broke his gaze with her and stared at the floor his brow narrowed as if concentrating, "All of my life, I've wanted nothing more than to love and to be loved. I…I thought I had that with Marisol…"

"But she was taken from you, Horatio. You couldn't have stopped that from happening, sweetie."

Horatio's eyebrows rose at her remark and he smiled mirthlessly, "Yeah, that's what others keep telling me, but she's gone because of me. I wasn't there for her, and she's gone now." Looking up to her, his tone flattened, "Seems like I can't stop abandoning the ones I love."

Silence descended over them as Alexx attempted to make sense of his words. There had never been a time where she'd known of Horatio abandoning anyone who needed him, the man literally ran himself into the ground helping others. Confusion coursed over her and she shifted her weight, studying him. It was very obvious that his heart was broken as was his spirit. Her job was to get to the bottom of it.

"Horatio, what are you talking about? You've never abandoned anyone. You were right there with Mari when she passed away. You've been there for everyone…" Glancing back at his living room and the lack of familiarity and it suddenly dawned on her. "You didn't abandon Timmy, Horatio. You were there for him too."

A sudden burst of anger pulsated through him and he retracted himself from her grasp. "It's not Speed that I abandoned! It's Calleigh! I wasn't there when she needed me the most. After Speed died… her kidnapping… New Year's…."

Alexx watched as he moved sullenly back into the living room, turning to stare at the blank wall as if the pictures were still there. It was becoming clearer that there was something underlying between the red head and the southern beauty. For years, she'd seen how close they were and then ultimately how distance came between them before they settled into an amicable friendship. Now as she stared at the older CSI, she read it all over him: he was in love with Calleigh Duquesne, and something must've happened between them to run her away. She was treading perilous ground, but she knew she had to press him to get to the core of the problem.

"Something happened between you, didn't it?"

Continuing to stare at the wall, he answered softly, "We found each other, Alexx. After all these years, we found our way to each other." Running his hands through his hair, he could feel the fury rising again but attempted to beat it back, his tone darkening, "But I managed to fuck up the one true thing in my life all because I was afraid of what it would do. I was afraid to face happiness, and now..." Facing her completely, he could feel the emotion scratching at the surface and exhaled lightly, "I promised her I wouldn't turn back and then I abandoned her."

Before she knew it, Alexx had taken Horatio into her arms and held him close, feeling as his body began to tremor. It wasn't a terrible surprise that he'd fallen for his Bullet Girl, but the depth of his feelings for her had been something Alexx wasn't ready for. After a moment, she released him and then took his hand, leading him to the kitchen. There was much ground to cover, and she knew that it would be best traversed with a cup of coffee and a listening ear. If it were the last thing she did, she'd get to the bottom of this dilemma and then set about to fix it.

TBC…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

The day was as perfect as she could've ever wanted; the sun shone brightly but wasn't offensive, the slight breeze that played about her long strands of blond hair just enough to make it comfortable. It was nothing short of a miracle that the humidity was being favorable and for once, Calleigh didn't feel as if she were going to melt the moment she stepped outside of her home. She could count on one hand how many days had been this relaxing, and the notion of meeting Alexx for lunch had made the thought of facing the day that much more exciting. It had been way too long since she'd seen the former medical examiner, and now more than ever did she realize that catching up was something she desperately needed. Weeks had passed since she'd left Horatio and the lab under the pretenses of a medical leave, and she was content in her decision. That didn't mean, however that she hadn't been lonely.

Glad that the weather was cooperative enough for an outside table, she sat down as the hostess left and glanced at her watch, hoping she hadn't missed her old friend. Her self-imposed sabbatical had given her the opportunity to focus more on herself than the world around her and in between appointments and working on her home, Calleigh had more than enough to keep her occupied. Every once in a while, she'd feel the pang of loss echoing from her chest, but she'd remind herself very quickly that she wasn't the first to fire in this salvo of despair, and her decision to leave was predicated on Horatio's unwillingness to commit to her. There was just no reason to continue to subject herself to the pain of knowing that as much as she loved Horatio, her couldn't in turn, reconcile the truth of his own love. She knew it existed, but she wasn't interested in having to constantly question the validity of her role in his life.

Catching a glimpse of Alexx as she approached, Calleigh pulled herself out of her musings and forced a smile, standing in greeting to taking the older woman into her arms for a heartfelt embrace. In the years since Alexx left the morgue and the team, the Calleigh's world seemed to shrink, the absence of Alexx's wisdom and understanding amplifying the soul draining loneliness she'd found herself mired in. Her current battle of loneliness was soon forgotten as warmth swaddled her and eased the despair of her aching heart.

Instantly feeling the difference in Calleigh's embrace, Alexx's brow furrowed, but she tried mightily to keep her tone even, already knowing that this road would be hard traveled. It was in the southern blonde's nature to keep her emotions fortified, especially in the field that she'd chosen to work in. Time and time again, Calleigh had been tried and she was smart enough to know that if she showed even an inkling of weakness, she would be eaten alive. Alexx's plight would be to penetrate the wall of defense that Calleigh hid her heart behind.

After a second longer of holding her, Alexx pulled away and held her at arm's length, studying her. Even though there was a hint of hesitancy and despair, she also exuded a sort of light different from the effervescent demeanor she'd held in the past. This glow seemed to permeate from deep within the younger woman's soul.

Crinkling her brow, she moved a stray strand of her golden locks away from her eyes and smiled, "Calleigh, baby, there's something different with you. You're practically glowing."

Calleigh laughed and rolled her eyes, giving her a dismissive wave, "Alexx, we live in Miami, the sun's practically cooking us all." Shaking her head, she offered weakly, "I've just been taking more time to relax, that's all."

Alexx pursed her lips and nodded, "Uh huh, and since you've had all this time to relax, why haven't you called me? Admittedly, I do get a bit busy, but as evidenced by our lunch date, I can make time for a friend." Tilting her head slightly, she asked quietly, "How have you been doing, sweetie? I heard that you left the lab."

The mention of the lab brought about the memory of her last exchange with Horatio and she glanced away from Alexx, attempting to push the emotion down. It hurt to think about all that she was missing; not only had she given up her passion, but she also missed the camaraderie of the team. She'd made her decision, however, and now wasn't the time to dwell.

Lifting her eyes back to Alexx, she smiled again and shook her head, "I needed the time to myself, Alexx. The type of hours I was putting in plus the stress of the job…I was heading for a burn out in the worst way…"Not fully believing her own words, Calleigh added, "Besides, it's an indefinite medical leave, that doesn't mean that I won't go back."

"That's what your words are saying, baby, but I'm not buying it. There's something deeper," Alexx remarked as she gestured toward the chairs. It wouldn't do to push on this matter and so she opted to take her time, easing into the conversation that she felt needed to happen. "Come on, let's take a seat and look over the menu. I'm starved."

Calleigh studied her as she took a seat as a realization came over her. In her own good natured way, Alexx was fishing for information and the thought seared through Calleigh like a wildfire. Crossing her arms about her chest and glanced away, trying to keep the venom out of her voice. If Alexx wanted to know something, all she had to do was ask. There was no need for the charade of meeting just to catch up.

"Did he put you up to this, Alexx?" As much as she wanted the tone to sound unaffected, she couldn't mask the anguish, centering her gaze on the surprised visage of her old friend. "Did Horatio ask you to talk to me? He couldn't even muster up enough balls to call me himself?" In a flurry of action, Calleigh reached for her bag and started to turn, "You know what, you can give him a message from me, and I'll make it extremely clear for him."

Standing quickly, Alexx moved to reach for her hand only for Calleigh rebuke her attempts, "Calleigh, wait a minute. I truly did want to see you, it has been a very long time, but I won't lie to you, I never have."

"So he did put you up to this?" Calleigh questioned incredulously. Turning to leave, she groused, "He gave up the right to know my every move the moment he decided to put everything before me. I don't need this stress, Alexx. I left for a reason."

"What if you left for all the wrong reasons, Calleigh?" Alexx asked, watching as the southern beauty stopped in her tracks. Approaching cautiously as Calleigh turned to face her, she continued gently, "Calleigh, I did talk to Horatio, but it was my choice to come here. I visited him a few days ago because the others were concerned for him. He's not been himself, Calleigh. I saw that for myself. He's changed…"

"Changed?" Calleigh asked as the anger abated slightly, "How has he changed?"

Placing a hand on her hip, Alexx's stance relaxed and she offered, "Well, first off, he's been unbearable at work. The team is practically on pins and needles around him. They can't talk to him for fear of losing their heads." Seeing the concern filtering into her eyes, Alexx nodded, "He is different, Calleigh. I've seen it; I've looked into his eyes and seen the despair. When I went to his home, it was empty and I mean that in a literal sense. He said he was redecorating but then he told me that he went on a drunken fueled rage and destroyed nearly everything that he had." Glancing at the chairs, she smiled lightly in the hope that Calleigh would be responsive, "Let's take a seat and talk, Calleigh and if you still feel the same way when we're done, then I won't approach you about this again. Deal?"

Considering the stipulations accompanying her acceptance, she reluctantly agreed to sit. There would be no harm in talking with Alexx, especially in light of her ability to keep their conversation just between them. Despite this, however, she knew how far she was going to take the disclosure of what had happened.

Retaining her gaze on the woman before her, she asked quietly, "What has he told you, Alexx?"

Placing her hands on the table, Alexx steadied her gaze and then exhaled, "He told me about New Year's Eve. You two…finally found each other, then…The next day, things changed." Seeing Calleigh about to refute the statement, she added, "He just wanted to exercise some restraint, Calleigh. He told me how much it took for him not to act on his desires in your gun lab. He was being sensible."

Having gone through the events of that day, Calleigh could easily recognize that she had been hasty, but it was what followed that led her to her decision. Remaining quiet for a moment, she then glanced away from Alexx, studying the swaying palm trees as the light breeze blew across the Atlantic. Beyond anything, she wanted a reason to go back to him, to tell him everything, but she couldn't put herself in a position where she questioned her every move.

"Was he being practical when he didn't call me? I can understand not calling me the next day, but the day after that? Weeks after that? Three months after that?" Calleigh couldn't help the venom that seeped into her tone, her face contorting in anger, "We promised each other that we wouldn't turn back, that the path we took that night would be the path we took together. I thought he finally understood what was between us. Apparently, I was wrong."

Alexx reached for her hand and implored desperately, "Calleigh, can't you see, can't you understand that Horatio loves you? He's…afraid, sweetie."

A short, mirthless laugh escaped her lips as she arched her brow in disbelief, "Horatio Caine, scared? He doesn't know the meaning of scared, Alexx."

"That's where you're wrong, baby." Alexx's stricken expression morphed into one of gentleness and she smiled warmly, "Horatio's afraid that he's abandoned the people that he's ever loved. He felt the same when Timmy died, when he lost Marisol, and," she paused slightly, " when you left, Calleigh. His life has been nothing but despair and despondency, and suddenly, he finds respite from it all…through you. You gave him hope, Calleigh. He could see something more than the darkness that has cloaked his life for years, and it petrified him."

Listening to Alexx's words, tears pricked at her eyes as she tried to stave the emotion building. Pursing her lips, she sighed and shook her head, finding the strength to look her in the eye, "Why didn't he talk to me, Alexx? Why would he just let time pass us by?" Wiping at her eyes quickly, she moved without warning, grabbing her bag and standing, "I can't do this, Alexx. I can't wonder when the right time will come for us. Too much is at stake now."

Once again, Alexx stood to stop her, "Calleigh, give him another chance…"

Sliding the bag on her shoulder, she took a step away, and caught the sadness in Alexx's gaze, "I cannot afford to waste my chances on him. Something more important has my attention."

The remark vexed Alexx, causing her to stand, her eyes narrowing, "Calleigh…what are you talking about?"

Swiping at her eyes, Calleigh shook her head and turned, "It was nice to see you again, Alexx. Take care."

"Calleigh! Wait!" Alexx called out to her retreating form. Calleigh kept going, ignoring her pleas, her gait, although determined, still giving evidence of the hurt that resided within her. Running a frustrating hand through her hair, Alexx conceded her failure to reach Calleigh and plopped back down in the seat, defeated. There would be no reaching the southern beauty until she wanted to be reached.

TBC…


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

_The clean scent of jasmine filled the air as the warmth inched over him, followed directly by the sensation of soft skin barely touching him. A small smile rose as he hummed with contentment, the gentle touch adding to the pleasant sensations that he was experiencing. The pleasure seemed to increase as the gentle touches morphed into feathery kisses skimming down his chest, and then the wicked flick of a tongue as it passed over one of his hardening nipples, a devious, yet soft laugh meeting his ear. The blood instantly pooled in his crotch, his member hardening as the sensations continued, the wicked tongue again on the move, seeking to undo him as it traced a line back up to the crook of his neck where the scent and the soft sensations remained concentrated, tempting him . The identity of his sensual perpetrator remained a mystery, even as he felt the heat shift a bit and the weight settled right above his raging erection, tauntingly. The stimulation was exciting, but he desired to see the one who was affording him all of the pleasure._

_When he opened his eyes, all he could see was darkness and the outline of her as she sat at his waist, the shadows failing to conceal the beauty of the form above him. Her sensual curves teased him as she reached behind her to caress him, stroking him to a fever pitch. The sound of a throaty laugh further enticed him and his brow furrowed in confusion, even as her hand was continuously provoking him. Her free hand reached for his and placed it over her breast, maneuvering his rough palm over her pebbled tip, giving him a provocatively deep moan as reward. When he pulled at her nipple, another throaty laugh escaped and he grunted, the idea of her wicked play propelling him just that much further into oblivion. Again, the scent assaulted and challenged him, daring him to remember. To meet the challenge, he knew he had to wring more evidence from her; he had to hear her voice to confirm his suspicions._

_A slight whimper now emitted from her lips as the bed dipped with her growing ministrations, the heat and moisture from her beginning to drench him. He was sure that he would go insane from the constant contrast of stimulation and deprivation as both increased, whipping him into a frenzy. Her hand slowing on his erection disappointed him but he didn't remain disappointed for long; she lifted and impaled herself on him, encasing him in a culmination of tight, hot, moisture. For long moments, they both remained still, the sexually charged silence heightening the anticipation. The urge to thrust deep inside of her presented itself and as his fingertips traced down to her hips, he knew it wouldn't be long until he heard her voice strangled with unabashed pleasure._

_Slowly, she moved, her hips lifting minutely before slamming down to meet his, perhaps giving him a precursor as to what was to come. He wanted to match her force, but reconciled himself to her slow tempo, enjoying how her sex gloved him and clutched to him almost desperately. This was familiar to him; the way she moved above him was sinful and as she lay atop him, spreading her legs for him even more, he could hear the sensual moan that tinged her voice as she whispered into his ear conspiringly._

"_You've been gone too long, handsome…"_

_The accent confirmed her identity, and he was content to enjoy her as she impaled herself deeply on his raging erection again, taunting him to take more. Another laugh invaded his ear and suddenly, the weight lifted as the frantic energy swathed over them, her hips bucking. When he opened his eyes again, he was treated to the sight of her riding him hard, her head lulling backward to expose her neck, her long, golden strands tickling at his thighs as her breasts bounced with each thrust. Her screams filed the air, coursing through him like wildfire, provoking him to wring more from her._

_Wickedly, he traced his finger to where they were connected, seeking the protruding pearl, circling it in time with her forceful thrusts. His fully aroused erection seemed to harden as her sex constricted over him, pulling at his resolve. It wasn't long before her lips parted in abandon, words that seemed too sinful to be spoken on her light voice, permeating the air. He was on fire for her, and as she bucked one last time, Horatio could feel the release raging to the surface, threatening to explode forcibly into her. He was right at the edge of oblivion when he looked to her again, her bejeweled eyes smoldering with such a lustful glare, he thought he would melt._

"_Come," he demanded, holding her gaze. Her expression changed and the sensation of closed heat left as he began to spend himself…curious as to why instead of her sensual screams of pleasure, he heard an odd sound…._

Slowly rising from the recesses of his slumber, he could perceive the darkness that surrounded him as well as the feel of something bulky and soft atop of him. His erection was dwindling; the remnants of his seed saturated his sleep pants. As he began to blink back the sleep and confusion, the alluring scent of jasmine that once permeated the air, was now replaced by the familiar aroma of his own surroundings. His cell ringing from the nightstand brought about further awareness as he sat up, staring curiously at the pillow he was clutching tightly. He could still feel the stirring in his groin and even as he struggled to gain full consciousness, he was fully aware of what had happened.

A sigh of frustration escaped his lips as he tossed the soiled pillow to the floor and reached for his cell, briefly noting the late hour. The months that had passed between them hadn't made anything better; she hadn't attempted to call him, and had not appeared at the lab, further confirming her willingness to completely extract herself from his life. His mistake was that he allowed it to continue instead of fighting for her. Now, it seemed that it was simply too late. He'd lost his chance with her completely and he had no one but himself to blame.

The shrill of his cell pulled him out of his dark musings and he depressed the button, running a stiff hand through his copper strands, his voice, although he strove for an even tone, denoting his weariness, "Horatio…"

Silence replied back to him and garnered a confused and increasingly irritated expression from him before the voice filled the line: "Horatio, we need to talk…"

_TBC…_


	10. Chapter 10

No Turning Back 10

**Chapter 10**

"_Horatio, we need to talk…"_

A tense silence filled the air as he struggled to piece together coherent thoughts still awestruck at the unusual late night phone call. The sound of her voice provoked the memory of her last words to him and a sort of satisfaction surged through him that at least, this time, her tone wasn't filled with venom. He detected a sort of resignation and he didn't know how to perceive the connotation. He often wondered what he would say to her if he got the chance to speak to her again, and now with the moment presented, he was flabbergasted, unable to form a single word.

"_Horatio…are you there?"_

The question reverberated through him, bringing him out of his thoughts to answer quickly, "Ah…yeah. I'm here, Calleigh." Finally conscious of his surroundings, he glanced at the clock on his bedside table and frowned at the late hour, the concern now surging past the surprise. Calleigh rarely ,if ever, called him at such a late hour, and suddenly, the unusual move threw up red flags. He became more alert as he stood, his body defying his mind by stretching instead of moving into action. "Is everything alright, Calleigh?"

Sitting at the foot of her bed, Calleigh ran a frustrated hand through her hair, and then rested her elbow on her knee, her eyes closing slowly. She'd tossed and turned most of the night, unable to find comfort in her raging thoughts. The time was now; she had to come clean to him if she had any inkling of moving on with a peace of mind and a sound heart. She missed Horatio deeply; she missed the sound of his strong and at times, soft tone that gave her the assurance she always sought from him. Even now as she settled within her the possibility that they would never be what she wanted them to be, she knew just by the concern laced in his question that he would always be there. If they couldn't be lovers, most assuredly, they would be friends, and at the moment, a friend is what Calleigh needed the most.

Her heart weighed heavily at the thought of a missed opportunity, the tears breaking past her eye lids to race down her cheeks. Wiping at them, she sniffled and then exhaled lightly, answering in a defeated tone, "Yeah, Horatio, I'm okay. I just…I just needed to talk to you."

"Calleigh…"

"No, Horatio, this has to be done. There are some things that you need to know," she interrupted as she pushed her hair away from her face. Getting up slowly, she meandered through her darkened room, her heart pounding in her chest at the notion of finally revealing what she'd been keeping from him. Biting her lip, she wondered briefly if she had the gumption to follow through, but then resigned herself to acting. "I need to do this before I lose my nerve."

Horatio could hear the seriousness in her words and frowned, rising from his bed to move toward the panoramic window, the swaying of the palm trees in the shadows gaining momentum. There was a storm brewing and in more ways than one; Horatio had the feeling that this wasn't spontaneous; she'd thought long and hard about what she wanted to talk about and it had the potential to affect him greatly.

_What could it be?_ he asked himself as he stared into the inky darkness. Many thoughts came to mind, but only one petrified him to the core. Despite her absence from the lab, knowing that she was still in Miami gave him a sort of assurance that there was still hope. The moment she crossed the state line, that hope would be forever lost.

The anticipation ate at him causing anxious energy to build within him, the silence mocking him. It was as if his very life depended on the words that weren't being said and he could feel the tension pulsating through him willing her to say…something.

Despite the desire to pry the information out of her, he calmed himself and instead offered, "Calleigh, you know whatever it is, you can talk to me about it. I would like to think…I'd like to think that we are friends."

A sad smile broke across her lips as her eyes slid close, her heart breaking anew. The pain pulsated through her evenly, acknowledging that he wasn't even willing to fight for them. Her voice slackened even more as she replied, "Yeah…H-Horatio, we are. We'll always be friends."

Relief flooded him, knowing that this was a path he could take to reach her once more. The confirmation of their friendship remaining intact brokered the hope of reconciliation and felt a small smile form on his lips, "Well…Calleigh, friends support each other. Whatever's bothering you, we can sort it out."

_You make it seem so easy, Horatio_, she thought as her eyes began to well once more. Her attempt to maintain her steadfast determination to tell him faltered and she laughed nervously, her eyes settling on the clock beside her table. Respite came in the form of the late hour and a wave of relief surged within her. At the very least, she could put him off for a few more hours, gaining enough confidence to finally tell him what he needed to know. She would offer him breakfast and would have no choice but to reveal her secret.

"How about we have breakfast, Horatio? I'd feel so much better if I could sit and talk with you face to face." _Liar_, she scolded herself, _you're too much of a coward to tell him. You have him right now, there's nothing stopping you…_

"Calleigh?"

"I'm here, Horatio. I just…it's important. We need to see each other."

Horatio didn't like the way this conversation was progression. It felt almost as if she was stating her last will and testament, and the finality as well as the sadness in her voice quelled the burgeoning elation of reconciliation. Even still, an opportunity to reach her was within his grasp and he was going to take it.

"Well," he started, wracking his brain to remember his schedule for the upcoming day. Closing his eyes, he retrieved the information and exhaled, finally answering, "I have a meeting at nine-thirty, I believe we can meet before then, or even after, so long as the call outs remain at a minimum." Unable to help his curiosity, Horatio asked, "Calleigh, are you…are you leaving Miami?"

Momentarily taken back by the question, Calleigh sat up straight, her heart pounding in her chest. At one point, she teetered on the edge of the decision to leave, but quickly dismissed the notion. Miami was her home, she could no more leave this place than abandon her love for her guns. The heat called to her, the various sounds of the eclectic cultures fed her hunger for discovery. Miami was her life blood, leaving would assuredly kill her.

Gaining her bearings, she answered, "No, Horatio. I'm not leaving Miami, but what we have to discuss involves our future." A tense filled silence descended upon them before Calleigh ventured to break it, asking, "Could we meet for an early breakfast? I'd like to see you as soon as possible."

A small smile tickled at the corner of his lips, the threat , for the moment, diminishing. He had the span of a breakfast to plead his case and win her back and it was his intention to do so.

"Sure, breakfast is an excellent idea, Calleigh. Anywhere special you'd like to meet?

_Anywhere would do_ she mused internally with a small smile. Despite the gravity of the situation, she found that she was actually looking forward to seeing him again. "How about Salsilto's?"

"Salsito's it is," Horatio responded easily, the anxiety now filtering away from him. His body seemed to ease into a state of relaxation as he stifled a yawn, "Seven-thirty okay for you?"

"Seven-thirty's perfect, handsome." Realizing that she allowed the beloved term of endearment slip, she waited half a beat before clearing her throat nervously, hoping he didn't catch the slip –up. The silence that continued told her otherwise and her eyes slid closed, her tone full of remorse, "Seven-thirty, Horatio. I promise that I won't keep you long."

Barely able to perceive the words she said to him, he started to answer back only to be met with the sound of her hanging up. Despite the abrupt end to their conversation, Horatio felt as if he were given a new chance at life, and he wasn't going to squander it with potential doubts.

TBC…


	11. Chapter 11

No Turning Back

**Chapter 11**

Horatio was a constricted ball of energy, anxious for the moment she would arrive. The late night phone call had eased his anxiety over the situation between him and Calleigh, but he realized very quickly that it, by no means, cleared the slate. There were still unspoken words and broken hearts to be mended and that terrain, he acknowledged, would be almost impossible to traverse without lapsing back behind the veil of silence they'd been under for almost four months. More than anything, he needed this, he needed to see her, needed the reassurance that she was still a viable part of his life. The coldness that had invaded him the moment she walked out of his life remained, effectively severing any desire to feel. He merely existed, passing through each second of his life unconsciously, drifting. He attempted to see other women during this time, but his heart just wasn't in it. Soon, the calls stopped and once again, he'd been left to wallow in complete solitude, pondering the mistakes and regretting his inaction. All of that was of no consequence now; she'd thrown him a lifeline to pull him out of his destitution. He would not allow this moment to slip out of his grasp.

Brought out of his musings by the approach of the waitress, he gave her a light smile as she placed the menu down and began to run through the daily offerings. Horatio barely heard a word she said, his attention more on the door, willing her to walk through it. The table he'd gotten sat alongside the panoramic window, giving them an unrestricted view of the street and the multitude of pedestrians as well as the beautiful colors of the flora that peppered the landscape. Salsalito's had been a favorite of hers; coupled with the cuisine and the ability to observe the beauty of Miami had its appeal, especially to her. Her ability to see the good in anything, especially in light of the depravity she'd encountered daily, was what he loved the most about her. It was an endearing trait that he wished he'd had himself.

"Sir, would you care for a cup of coffee before ordering?" the waitress attempted. She'd known the red haired gentleman hadn't been listening by the way he stared at the door, his face drawn in disappointment when a patron entered. He was waiting for someone but she had other customers to attend to. Keeping her tone light, she added, "Or would you rather wait for the rest of your party?"

"I'll have that cup of coffee," Horatio answered as he broke his stringent stare on the door. A faint smile appeared slowly and he inclined his head slightly, "And I'll go ahead and order."

The waitress nodded as she produced her pad, glancing around the dining room as more customers filled in. Directing her full attention back to him, she asked, "So, what will you have, sir?"

Training his thoughts and his gaze back on the door, Horatio began, "I'd like the western-…"

"Horatio?" a woman asked quizzically as she approached the red head from behind, her smile growing. Having dated Horatio for a few weeks, she'd come to know his copper locks easily, the thought of running her fingers through them again causing her brow to arch lightly. Their courtship was brief and he'd unexpectedly stopped calling her, but in that short amount of time, she'd managed to fall for him. After he stopped calling, he'd fallen off of her radar, but through some sort of hope, she wished she could see him again.

As he turned to face her, she nearly lost her breath, the same handsome visage she'd dreamed about constantly making her heart throb. Biting her lip, her brows rose, watching as he stood, her eyes coursing over his slim frame, the cut of the designer suit furthering her arousal.

Coming closer, she tilted her head to look up at him, unable to hide the smile, "Fancy that, I never thought in a million years that I'd see you again, and here you are." Taking him quickly into her arms, she held him tightly, her eyes sliding shut as she inhaled his scent, "Horatio, it's been too long. What have you been doing with yourself?"

Surprised by her appearance and her subsequent embrace, Horatio stumbled across his words, aching to return to his post of watching the door, "Ah… Tricia…it's nice to see you again." Not wanting to seem rude, he allowed her to break the embrace and smiled awkwardly as they faced each other once again, "It has been a long time. How have you been?"

Tricia laughed and shoved at his arm playfully, "If you would call me sometime, Horatio, you'd know. You kinda disappeared on me."

Scratching his head, he averted his sight to the floor, striving to come up with something to explain his sudden departure out of her life. Tricia had been his first foray into the dating scene after the blow out with Calleigh and the one move he'd regretted. He wasn't ready to test the waters, especially with a woman like Tricia and as soon as he realized that, it was too late. She'd already fallen for him .

"Well, I've been busy with work…"

"All work and no play," she responded in a sultry tone, "makes Horatio a dull boy. And enough with the work mantra, we both have the same type of schedule, honey. It's why we could've worked so well. The city of Miami's a fickle bitch, she's kept us both up many a nights." As an ADA, Tricia had seen her fair share of late nights and it was one of those late nights that chance happened upon her door. The memory of that night flushed forward and she leaned into him, whispering, "I remember one night in particular…"

Horatio felt the heat suffuse through him and in an effort to extract himself out of the moment, he turned to glance at the door, his heart seizing at the sight of the blond hair retreating. The sudden need to move toward the door overtook him and he started off quickly, leaving Tricia behind, her voice calling from behind him.

Ignoring Tricia's plea, Horatio was intent on nothing but reaching Calleigh before she had a chance to escape. He desperately called out, "Calleigh! Wait!"

The effect of his frantic tone wasn't lost on her and by some measure, she stopped her forward movement. She didn't know exactly why she stopped, perhaps it was to give him the chance to explain himself, or maybe, it was the inherent need to face him full on that kept her standing there. The crowded dining room became still as she took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, her eyes sliding closed. She could hear his approach and as he finally came to rest behind her, his erratic breathing hit her cleanly on the back of her neck. His close proximity brought everything back to her; his scent, the aura of his strength, the strength she was so desperate for rushed her senses and she instantly felt overwhelmed. Despite that, she remained standing there, ignoring her inner voice to flee.

It was now or never.

TBC…


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The moment was perfect in its unnerving silence, the questions swirling about in his mind keeping him on the precipice of the edge of reasoning. For all intended purposes, she could've stormed out completely, not giving him a chance to catch her or even a moment of explanation. Instead, she was standing stock still in front of her, the minute evidence of her body quivering showing in the long golden tresses that he'd longed to run his hands through again. Something was compelling her to stay and it was up to him to exploit it, coming close enough to her to catch the alluring scent of her that nearly undid him. He was going to have to act quickly if he had any chance of saving what was left of their relationship.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he could feel her body tense and frowned, identifying the reasoning behind her tremors. It was as if fear had gripped her tightly and as he squeezed her shoulder, he cringed at the notion that he'd somehow instilled this fear into her. Lulled momentarily by the heat wafting from her body, Horatio paused for a second before trusting himself to speak.

"Calleigh, don't leave," he whispered as he inclined his head slightly. At this angle, her beguiling scent assaulted him fully and he struggled to stay focused, his mind already replaying images from months ago. The kinetic energy that now propelled her to take a step brought him out of his musings and he pleaded once more, his voice growing in intensity, "Calleigh…don't leave."

The inherent need in the husky tones of his voice had a dual affect on her body; all at once she was aroused and calmed, furthering her confusion. Calleigh closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. The moment had arrived and now, she had to muster up the courage to take the fall and reveal everything to him.

"I'm not going to leave, Horatio, but I believe that we should go somewhere private." Remaining still, she only moved to turn her head back slightly, her eyes connecting with his only briefly. As always, his haunted expression pulled at her heartstring and she sighed lightly as she extended her hand, "We have some things to discuss."

Time became of no consequence to him as he slipped his hand within hers, the instant warmth and softness giving him an instant pleasant sensation. Even though it felt as if he were about to enter into the lion's den, he conceded to himself that he would truly follow her anywhere. As she began to lead him toward an isolated booth within the restaurant, he could feel his heart hammering in his chest. Now that he had her attention, he pondered on what exactly he was going to say to mend the deep rift between them.

The silence during their short jaunt further unnerved him and in an attempt to distract him from his anxiety, he glanced at her body, taking note instantly that she seemed somewhat…filled out. The jeans didn't seem to mold to her as he remembered and her shape was of a different proportion altogether. Could it be that the body he worshipped for countless hours that one night long ago had drastically changed during their separation? Taking in the differences, he noted the fullness of her hips and her waist, the questions now piling into his mind. Despite the questions, Horatio maintained that she was beautiful both inside and out and nothing would ever change that feeling.

Cognizant that they had stopped their forward progression, Horatio shook himself from his thoughts to look upon her, the sight before him robbing him of both words and breath. Instantly, his eyes gravitated to her stomach taking note of the perfect roundness. Truly speechless, his eyes traveled to hers now fully aware of the stark changes; her face glowed beautifully and her eyes, despite the evidence of anxiety, glittered brightly. If she had been beautiful before, now she was supernaturally gorgeous.

Calleigh held his gaze and waited for him to process what he was seeing watching for any signs of his rejection. When all she saw was confusion and, among other things, an intense interest, she exhaled lightly, relieved that he didn't turn tail and run away. That was, she conceded, a step in the right direction.

Squeezing his hand, she allowed a small smirk to rise on her lips as she laughed lightly, "As you can see, Horatio, it is very important that we meet today." His quizzical expression amused her, the thought of the unflappable Lieutenant Horatio Caine reduced to silent confusion putting her further at ease.

"Relax, Horatio. I'm just pregnant." Blowing out a tuft of air, she felt the binds of anxiety finally fall completely and she ran her hand through her long, golden tresses, "You can't imagine how good it feels to finally tell someone. It got kinda lonely with trying to keep this a secret."

With his eyes still fixed on her swollen belly, Horatio finally managed to speak, his evidence of his discombobulated thought process filtering through his voice, "Calleigh…you're pregnant."

"Yes, handsome, I am. I thought we covered this already," Calleigh responded as she gestured to the table. He was still vexed, but at least he was speaking. Smirking some, she slipped a strand of hair behind her ear and laughed, "I think you need to take a seat, Lieutenant."

Barely registering that she'd even spoken to him, Horatio's brow knit as he studied the round belly, half tempted to reach out and caress it. _So, this is why she chose to leave the lab?_ he questioned inwardly. A million other questions seemed to flood him all at once but he could only focus on the only one that concerned him the most.

"Is the baby mine?" he questioned aloud, startling himself. Finally able to break his intense gaze on her stomach, his eyes met hers and he was struck at what he saw there. Among the shimmering of unspent tears, he saw the truth and his heart began to pull at him unrelentingly. He wanted…he _needed t_o hear her confirm what he already expected to be the truth. "Calleigh…"

Attempting to hold on to her new found bravado, she tried in vain to stave her tears, cursing herself for allowing the wall to tumble so easily. She should have been furious with him; instead, she began to drown in the intense relief that brought about the revelation of just how much she still loved him despite the cavernous rift between them. Biting her lip, she nodded just as a tear made berth and dropped unmolested. Exhaling, she glanced away and then met his gaze to answer, her voice thick with emotion, "I haven't been with anyone since New Year's Eve, Horatio."

Even though he was expecting it, the news still hit him hard and he stared at her, "Since we've been together? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Horatio? There you are! I was wondering where you'd gone off to," Tricia exclaimed as she approached them. From the perch at the entrance into the deserted dining area, she watched their exchange and though she couldn't hear the conversation, she garnered that it was of a serious nature. She off handedly wondered if the blond had been with him, but disregarded that thought as she took in her pregnant stature.

Crinkling her brow, she asked, "Aren't you going to introduce me? Honestly, we were in the middle of a conversation and you just left me to speak with…_her_." She regarded the other woman with barely a glance as she centered on the handsome red head, stepping closer to him and taking his arm, "That was awfully rude of you, Horatio."

The momentary relief lapsed into a quiet fury as Calleigh's softened expression morphed into a hard stare, her voice dripping with ice, "I apologize for keeping you, Lieutenant. Have a nice breakfast." The battle to temper her anger and talk this out was overruled by the simple fact that he'd moved on with his life, leaving her behind once again. Determined not to let him see her cry in defeat, she instead started to walk away, the feeling of his grip around her arm catching her.

"Calleigh… don't…"

Glaring at him, she cut her eyes toward the other woman and spat, "You want to know why, Horatio? It's because I knew that it wouldn't matter to you. It matters to me, and I thought you should know, and now you do. I can see that it hasn't changed a thing."

"Just give me a chance, Calleigh," he pleaded, feeling the finality in her words. She was slipping away from him once more but he was determined not to let that happen. Standing firm, he squared his gaze with hers; the tenacity of his voice matching his grip on her, "Give me a chance to explain."

Flicking her arm away from his hold, she shook her head and spoke, the anger melting away. A deep sorrow filled her and filtered through her voice, "I can't afford chances, Horatio. You've clearly made your choice, and so I have made mine. We will be just fine without you, that, I can assure you."

Watching as she walked away, Horatio felt the world cave in on him, the ache in his heart returning fully. In the wake of her anger, he was bereft, suddenly confused as to the next step to take. The confusion only lasted seconds as he was brought out of his stupor by the pressure applied to his arm, causing him to glance in the direction of Tricia. Rage surfaced quick and unrelentingly before he left her standing there alone, her soft tears falling on deaf ears. His future had walked out of the door and he was hell bent on chasing her down to make her understand where he stood.

In pursuit, he pulled his cell out and dialed the lab and left a message with the desk sergeant, clearing his day in one fail swoop. He'd catch heat for this, but it was well worth it. Saving his future with her was worth everything in the world and he would not fail again.

TBC….


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Horatio exited the restaurant in time enough to see her pulling away, her eyes red and swollen. For the briefest of moments, Horatio was crippled by the pain he saw etched in her face, but was pulled out of his delay, realizing that the longer he stood there, the further away she was getting. Sprinting toward his car, he pulled his keys out and disengaged the lock before he approached, making entering and starting the engine effortless. His heart pounded against his chest cavity as he threw the car into gear, propelling him out into the oncoming traffic, a cacophony of baring horns giving him response to his erratic action. As he wove through the traffic on the boulevard, the images and words collided in his mind, shattering his concentration. He didn't see the vehicles that represented as obstacles in his quest; he only felt the panic that gripped his very soul at the notion of not being able to catch up to her. This was his last chance and he wasn't going to squander it on caution.

Gripping the wheel, the anxious energy morphed quickly into anger as he laid on the horn, giving warning to the unfortunate car that pulled in front of him, blocking him in on all sides. There was only two more blocks until the road bled into the causeway and with it the possibility of even more gridlock. With his vision blocked, he couldn't see her anymore and as he perused his surroundings, making a snap decision. Flipping the switch on the dash, he palmed the horn as the siren started and the lights played against the surrounding vehicles, his sights set on the road before him. As the cars slowly began to respond to the sound of his siren, a slither of relief passed through him, the path clearing just in time enough to see her car as it made way to the causeway. Finally having the space to maneuver his car, he gunned the engine and took off, ruefully regarding the numerous laws and protocols he'd broken in a matter of minutes. The notion of being held responsible for his actions was of no consequence, the only thing that mattered was getting to her.

Job be damned.

/No Turning Back/

_I did what I said I would do_, she thought sadly as she wiped her eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time. She glanced back in the rearview mirror to see the road behind her empty, her heart breaking at the unraveling of her life. She had hoped that the news would absolve the destructive tension between them, but she hadn't counted on him moving on with his life. She wasn't expecting to walk in to that restaurant to see him engaged in what seemed like an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman. What she had expected to see was him anxiously awaiting her arrival, his eyes filled with apology and love, welcoming her to where she knew she belonged. In the deepest recesses of her heart, she loved him, possibly even more than she loved anyone in her life, but the logic wouldn't allow her emotions to taint the inevitable decision. She was going to be a mother and every step she made from this point forward was going to benefit her child, leaving no room for uncertainty. Regrettably, this was the one instance in where she couldn't rely on her heart to make the decisions that needed to be made.

The fog of the early morning was burning off as the sun began to rise, casting his heated glow across the landscape. The turmoil that coursed through her relentlessly was beginning to recede into an eerie calmness, her attention now on the cloudless sky, amazed at the beauty that surrounded her. Leaving Miami had been a consideration, but as she marveled at the clear blue sky, she hurriedly disregarded that notion. She was tired of running, of questioning her every move. In two months, she was going to be given a miraculous gift and despite the fact that the man she wanted to share it with was no longer an option, the heaviness lifted away from her. There was no reason for her sorrow; she'd always have a piece of Horatio and suspected she would see him in the eyes of their child. Suddenly, that became more than enough for her.

The tears finally stopped and she settled, her thoughts clearing at a rapid pace. Giving Horatio the news of her pregnancy had been the only stumbling block left in her journey, and now that he knew – and apparently could care less- she was left to her own instincts. Even though her perfect image of a family was shattered, she could not leave her life to consequence any longer. Despite the slight hesitation that still lingered, Calleigh was finally sure of the path she was going to take. The decision had been made the second she fled the restaurant even as the faint echo of his plea for understanding rested in her mind. Horatio had so many chances and had faltered on each occasion. Now was not the time for inaction and regrets; her future held too much possibility. She was going to meet the uncertainty of what was to come head on and with a brilliant smile on her face. The hurt of losing the one man she'd ever love was now cloaked with determination.

Gripping the wheel, she breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly, the cleansing breath giving her even more clarity. There was no more fear, no more trepidation in her and with that new found strength she found the confidence that had been in short supply in the months past. There was no logical reason for her to hide any longer. She would no longer run.

/No Turning Back/

Weary from spending the entire day searching for her, Horatio sat on the patio, staring out into the oncoming night, the merciless rays of the sun finally retreating below the western horizon. From the moment she stormed out of the restaurant, he had been consumed with regret. On each occasion she'd given him, he failed to take control and stand his ground. He spent hours picking apart their situation and attempting to piece it back together again with no success. Calleigh was as headstrong as she was beautiful; once she made up her mind there was nothing anyone could do to sway her from it. Horatio knew this all too well, and he was now grappling with the reality that the happiness he'd sought for so long would be lost to him forever. The only route left for him was to be there as much as she would allow, his muted role in raising their child reduced to mere circumstance. This route was a far cry from the vision of peace and happiness he had on that night and he could not be settled with it in the least bit.

Anger and sorrow collided within him propelling him into action. There was no way he could allow this to happen; he had just as much at stake as she did and he refused to just shrink away from what he desired. He was going to find her and make her understand that they belonged together. If he pleaded his case and she remained steadfast to sever the emotions between them, he conceded that he would have to respect her wishes on the matter. It would not, however, reduce his presence in her life to mere happenstance. She and the baby were his responsibility and if there was no longer a feeling of love between them, the least he could do would be to make sure that they were taken care of.

Just as he closed the patio door, his doorbell chimed and he frowned, glancing at his watch. He wasn't expecting anyone and he'd purposefully ignored Alexx's phone calls already postulating what she was going to say. He was, to say the least, not in the mood to suffer light conversation.

Finally arriving at the door, he paused for a second, his hand resting on the knob. The bell chimed again and he exhaled roughly, pushing the anger down. Under the guise of exhaustion, the best he could do for his visitor would be to explain that he was busy in the hopes that they would get the picture. His determination would only allow him to perpetrate this deception for only a moment before the binds of his control were loosened. He finally turned the knob and opened the door slowly, exhaling once more.

Biting her lip, Calleigh reached for the doorbell one last time, her heart jumping into her throat as the door creaked open. She'd come to the conclusion that even though it was over between them, she could not snatch the privilege of being a father from him. They would establish boundaries and function as a family should. People did it every day.

"Calleigh?"

His questioning tone brought her walls tumbling down and as she looked into his eyes, she saw the desperate need rise within them and swallowed hard. She would no longer be a slave to her emotions. She was here for one reason and one reason only. The more she stared , however, the more she was chastising herself for not being better prepared for what she faced. The iciness seemed to melt instantly and her heart pounded relentlessly against her chest, threatening to burst. She wasn't counting on her heart to ignore the stringent promises her brain made, but it was now or never.

"Horatio, we need to talk…"

TBC…


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The strength of her words was betrayed by the uncertain, haunted look in her eyes, and despite her attempts to remain steadfast, he could see her faltering. Her eyes shimmered with unspent tears as he took a step toward her, reaching to caress her cheek. He was sure that she hadn't darkened his door to succumb to his advances but he couldn't help touching her, the sensation crashing through him uncontrollably. The air seemed charged with expectation and instead of making the same mistake twice; Horatio took the plunge and pulled her into an intense embrace. For a brief moment, she struggled against him but one swipe of his tongue across her soft lips melted her resolve. Her body melded with his and for the first time, he felt the bulge of her stomach, his heart and his body reacting. All of the months of misunderstandings had culminated at this moment and the threatened to drown him in both apprehension and happiness but his only thought was to savor the satisfaction of having her back in his arms.

Carding his hands into her golden tresses, Horatio slanted his lips in an effort to further the kiss only to be forcibly pushed away, the spell instantly broken. The rush of having her once again had taken its toll and it took him a few seconds to process what was going on. Her scent was fading as well as her warmth and as he opened his eyes, he saw her retreating form. Again, he was presented with a dilemma; to let her go or seize what was his. He chose the latter.

Bounding down the couple of steps of the portico, Horatio reached her within a couple of strides, stopping her forward motion. Turning her toward him, his rancor funneled into despair as he took in the fury of her own gaze. He was foolish to think that one kiss would topple the walls of resentment that she'd built. Even so, he wasn't ready to concede just yet.

"Why are you running, Calleigh? You came here to talk, let's do that. Let's talk," Horatio offered as the breeze picked up. The sky had darkened further and the heat had suffused into an early evening chill setting the stage perfectly for the inevitable confrontation. Loosening his grip, he continued softly, "Stop running and face this, Calleigh."

Calleigh averted her eyes in the hopes of evading the tears that threatened to burst forward. The truth was she wanted to be back within his protective embrace, she wanted to feel his intense passion but she could not allow her desires to cloak the importance of what was about to happen to her. She needed stability and dependability. Even though the kiss reminded her of all that she missed with him, she could ill afford to succumb because of desperation.

As much as she wanted her voice to mirror her determination, it cracked under the weight of her emotions and the tears coursed down her cheek anyway, "I can't keep doing this, Horatio. I can't keep putting my heart out there only for it to be broken. We can't afford this."

Horatio stepped closer to her the confusion rampant both in his expression and voice, "You haven't allowed me a chance to explain, to prove to you that I could be the man you need, I _am _the man you need. Give me the chance, Calleigh. I won't allow you to do this by yourself." Cupping her chin, he lifted it and forced her to look in his eyes. The rivulets of tears tore at his very soul, the heartbreak evident in her eyes plunging the dagger deeper into his heart. He'd done this to her, his refusal to stand against his own fear had pushed her away. It was time that he remedied this situation.

"I was scared of what you could give me, Calleigh. I have seen the opportunity for happiness slip right through my fingers and I was afraid that if I grew accustomed to it, I'd crave it…" Pausing briefly, he wiped away her tears with his thumb, his voice growing impossibly softer as if conceding his strength, "…even if you didn't return it. I knew I wouldn't survive your rejection."

Calleigh grabbed his hand as her brow knit, her green eyes glittering with hints of anger, "How could you think that I would reject you, Horatio? I have spent years loving you, years waiting for the moment to be right for us. When it was right, it was you who rejected me."

Her words rang true even as they stung, causing him to cast his eyes downward. He was ashamed at leading her toward a path that they both wanted to take only to leave her stranded. Exhaling lightly, he admitted, "I did."

"And yet, you want me to forget all of that, Horatio? You want me to just disregard giving you my heart and body? You want me to forget that you threw me away?" Her emotions were raging now and her tears were hot with fury, her voice tightening, "One kiss will not wash this away, Horatio. The trust I had in you is gone…"

Horatio's heart seized at her proclamation and he looked to her, ready to plead his life. Instead of meeting the fury that should've accompanied her heated words, he found himself looking into her softening gaze. Not trusting himself to speak, he instead allowed the silence to descend, willing to wait for her.

Calleigh shook her head and then ran a stiff hand through her hair as her eyes drifted down. The kiss didn't wipe his slate clean but it awakened a longing so deep within her that she felt she couldn't breathe .Biting her lip, she exhaled and then retained her focus, lifting her eyes to his once more. He was hanging on every moment, his questing gaze holding hers. Holding on to so much anger was tiring and she was ready to relinquish it even with the memory of his transgressions still hovering.

Taking his hand into hers, she squeezed it, "The trust is gone but that doesn't mean that it can't be found. I'm willing to work to trust you again, Horatio. Are you willing to work for my trust?"

Horatio couldn't help the smile that grew on his lips as he squeezed her hand back, swallowing hard. "Absolutely. I'm willing to do anything to have you, Calleigh."

The darkness lifted and her own smile grew as she took his hand and placed it on the swell of her stomach and holding it, "Good, because we cannot afford any more mistakes." Staring at their hands intertwined, she exhaled lightly, "We need you, Horatio. I need you. This isn't going to be easy; we're going to have to take it slowly, but…I finally realized that our family is worth more than holding on to past hurts."

"Then we work at it, sweetheart," Horatio answered gently. Catching her eyes, he smirked as a tuft of hair dropped in his eyes, "I've got my work cut out for me, don't I?"

"You bet, mister." Calleigh snickered lightly to cover the intense rush of adrenaline and arousal that flushed through her at the sight of his boyish grin, "Remember…slow."

"Slow…" Horatio parroted. Horatio reached to move a strand of hair out of her eyes and asked, "Come in?"

As disappointed as she was, she knew she would have to stick to her guns on this, "Sorry, Horatio. I would love to, but we are starting new here, and if I step through your door, I'm sure all of our progress will be thrown out of the window." Biting her lip, she stood on the tip of her toes and kissed him on the cheek, "Haven't you ever heard that good things come to those who wait?"

"It's well worth the wait," Horatio responded, relishing her close proximity. A crisis had been averted, but he was still in for the fight of his life. Conceding to his mediated role he offered, "Can I walk you to your car then?"

"Why of course, handsome," Calleigh answered with a disarming smile. Taking his offered arm, they walked into the darkness, the promise of a new beginning entrenched with every step they took.

TBC….


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thanks to my beta, Lieutenant Caine!**

**Chapter 15**

_One month later…_

Anger coursed through Calleigh as she wrapped the throw around her more, glaring at the clock situated above the television. Disbelief colored her thoughts as she shifted her gaze toward the silent phone, willing it to ring. She could not believe that Horatio was doing this again. After all of the despair and turmoil of the past few months, he was reverting, distancing himself from her once again. Of course, she considered that his duties to the job would be a hindrance and she accepted that in a manner. With that acceptance in mind, she realized that he would have late nights or nights that he would prefer to go home. Still the same, he had given her the expectation of his presence, promising her that he would call in the event that such a night occurred. All she asked was for consideration and as the weeks passed his presence began to dwindle, leaving her, like most evenings, with an abandoned dinner and no phone call. His promises were beginning to feel like mere words uttered to appease her, their value diminished as they went unfulfilled.

As she glanced at the darkened dinner table, she exhaled heavily, sorrow replacing the rancor at his audacity to shun her once again. This time, she would not concede; the longing in his expressive blue eyes would not cloud her judgment, the desire to feel his touch would not impede her determination. Once that door slammed shut, it was closed for good. Calleigh understood the ramifications of her decision and as such began to prepare for a life without him in it. She could not- would not- subject herself to this any longer. It was time for Horatio to stand or walk away- either decision would be a relief to her.

Another hour ticked by without interruption and Calleigh soon found herself falling asleep, her emotions spent. If Horatio did, by some chance, grace her door, he would find it locked and her home darkened. Shaking off the thought of facing him tonight, Calleigh stood slowly, bracing herself against the couch as she steadied herself.

Placing a hand on her belly she smiled lightly and rubbed it, whispering softly, "Well, sweetie, it looks like it's just me and you once again. It doesn't look like your Daddy…_cares_ enough to be here for us."

Her tone broke on the last words and she felt the weight of her tears once more, quickly wiping at her eyes to prevent them from falling. Her resolve would not allow her to linger in this state of sorrow; once she completely realized that it was over, she was going to pull up her bootstraps and keep moving. The thought of doing so without him stung but she could not forsake what was on the line. Their baby was more important than attempting to maintain a relationship that refused to gel. It was best she cut her losses right now and try to mend her broken heart alone.

/No Turning Back/

"What are you doing?" Horatio questioned himself aloud as he stared at Calleigh's front door. For an hour, he had been sitting in his car in front of her home, attempting to talk himself into going in. Despite his desire to be in her life and to remain present for the sake of their child, doubts had risen within Horatio and he struggled to reconcile them away. His determination was there but the weight of his past misdeeds coupled with his horrific childhood began to overwhelm him. How could he be an effective father if he was constantly running? Would the specter of his father's rage somehow funnel through him? His childhood had been traumatic enough, he could not fathom risking a repeat of the horrors he endured at his father's hand. Putting another through such hell was simply out of the question.

So, Horatio just sat.

He knew that he should face her, at least give her enough respect to voice his doubts but somehow, he equated acknowledging those doubts with weakness. If there was something that Calleigh Duquesne did not need at the moment, it was the proverbial clink in the armor. She needed someone who would stand beside her even through the apprehensions, fight against the strain of a convoluted past. At the moment, however, Horatio did not believe that he fit the description. Even though he gave the perception of strength, inside, he was just waiting for the façade to crumble. He was just as broken and overwhelmed as the next person; there was no possible way he could be a positive force in either Calleigh or the baby's life. Instead of squandering the potential for new life, he was considering excising himself completely.

Deep within the recesses of his soul, he wanted what Calleigh was offering him. All his life, he searched for the happiness that others spoke about, wondering if there was such happiness waiting for him. With Calleigh, the promise of happiness could not have been any brighter; she loved him and was willing to fight for what they had. She was the strong, determined force in their relationship. She was the one willing to put everything on the line, to sacrifice for the sake of love and happiness. He could not admire her more than he did now.

The thought of her all consuming love sparked a brief thought, causing Horatio to consider another option. Would it be possible that her love could carry the both of them? Could it cancel his fears? The answer, he knew was within Calleigh's loving embrace and with that thought, he snatched the keys out of the ignition and opened the door, his heart thumping wildly against his chest. Despite the fears and the anguish, Horatio was going to step out on faith that together, they could beat the odds. He realized with a certain amount of trepidation that his broken promises over the past month had the potential to destroy everything, but still he had to try.

Taking in a deep breath, Horatio released it and stood, closing the door in one fluid motion. The home was dark but he had an inkling that Calleigh was still awake, the need for answers pricking at her sensibilities. Tonight, he would give her answers and assurance that his days of running were over. No matter how hard the road was going to be, he was not going to turn back. Just as he made his way toward the door, his cell rang and he quickly filled his hands with it, a confused expression dancing across his face. It was Calleigh.

"Go home, Horatio."

Immediately, Horatio was greeted with a detached, cold tone in her voice. His eyes drifted from her door to the window where he imagined she was sitting. He could tell that she was at her breaking point and her tone denoted that she was done playing his games. If he was to save this relationship he was going to have to expose everything in the hopes that she would understand.

"We need to talk, Calleigh. There are some things I have to tell you," Horatio responded, hoping that the fear in his own voice would not be heard. Exhaling loudly, he began pacing, "I've screwed this up _again_, Calleigh. I want to try to fix this."

For a brief moment, Calleigh heard the regret in his voice and almost relented, placing a gentle hand on her belly. The entire evening had been filled with heavy expectation but remained silent and all the while, he was sitting in her driveway? The thought incensed her even more, and her anger grew with each second that passed. She could not afford to play this game with him; he had to be confident in his abilities as a man and a father or he could not be a part of their lives. So far, he had not stepped to the plate.

"It took you all night to realize that it was time to talk, Horatio? Just how long have you been sitting out there? Is this what I have to look forward to if you stay in my life, Horatio? A life filled with so many questions and you unwilling to answer them?"

Horatio noticed keenly that she was pondering letting him go, the uncertainty of his position in her life clear in her words. She was definitely on the precipice of deciding his future for him. Rubbing his face roughly, he attempted to hide his frantic tone, "I have answers. Calleigh, I have had to face some hard truths about myself and I have realized what I risk losing if I don't let you in. I'm asking… no, I'm pleading, let me in, Calleigh."

Tears welled in Calleigh's eyes as she turned away from the window, unable to handle the emotional onslaught his words brought. Discreetly, she hung up the phone and placed it on the nightstand as her thoughts ran wildly. Her heart wanted to let him in but her mind demanded her to use logic. Could she withstand Horatio's complexities?

Stunned at her abrupt dismissal, Horatio stared at his phone before slipping it back into his pocket, his eyes then lifting toward her home. In a last minute attempt, Horatio tried to appeal to her heart but realized with dismay that he was too late. His inability to reveal his misgivings and fears had cost him the happiness he coveted. Turning to leave, he exhaled heavily, his heart now heavy with the brunt of his loss.

"Running again?"

Her voice startled him and he turned on his heels to face her, nearly stumbling in the attempt. At the sight of the utter discontent in her eyes, Horatio's heart clenched and he sighed, realizing that he had driven away the trust and confidence that she radiated. It was up to him to pick up the shattered pieces.

Steeling himself to approach her, he answered, "Not any more, sweetheart. I was…stupid. I know what I need to do now."

Calleigh arched her brow quizzically, "Is that so?" Crossing her arms about her chest, she continued, "I don't need any new broken promises, Horatio."

"I don't have any of those to give you, Calleigh. All I have are answers," Horatio responded with a glimmer of hope. He could see that she was contemplating her next move and he found himself holding his breath in anticipation of her answer.

After a pregnant pause, Calleigh answered, "I need more than answers, Horatio. I need you to be present, I need to know that you're strong enough to be what we need…what I need."

"I'm not strong enough, Calleigh," Horatio admitted. Finally, there was a sense of relief as the words hung in the air, its effect evidenced by the disbelief in her eyes. When she moved to close the door, Horatio moved to counter her, thrusting his hand against the wood, "I ask that you listen to me, Calleigh. Really listen to what I have to say."

The look in his eyes gave her precursor to what was about to come. Never had she seen him so raw, so exposed. For the first time since embarking on this journey with him, she saw…defeat in his eyes. He was giving up the mask and allowing her to see to the depths of his soul. That was enough.

Moving aside, she opened the door more, "Come in, Horatio."

**TBC…**


	16. Chapter 16

**No Turning Back**

**A/N: Time to knock the dust off of this story and finally put it to rest. To those who waited patiently, I thank you. I hope that you enjoy the conclusion to the story!**

**A/N: A special thanks goes to my beta, Lieutenant Caine!**

**Chapter 16**

Calleigh watched Horatio as he moved past her, determined to remain strong in her convictions. She was prepared for the full court press; no amount of charm or words spoken in that smooth, honeyed voice would dissuade her from her decision. If what Horatio offered was more excuses then she would have no problem with slamming the door shut on this relationship. She'd prepared herself for the possibility that Horatio would abandon his family. She was ready to face the music.

They both walked down the darkened hall, heading toward the living room, the silence hanging heavily between them. Enough meaningless words had been said and empty promises made; in the face of such a defining moment, neither of them felt it necessary to bother with small talk. Entering the living room, Calleigh waddled toward the lamp and switched it on before she carefully lowered herself into the matching loveseat. Watching Horatio keenly, she observed how he sank unceremoniously into the plush couch like a sack of potatoes. It was in this moment that Calleigh saw the totality of his despair. Not only were his normally sharp eyes dull and haunted but his disheveled appearance spoke to just how close he'd come to the precipice of destruction. Unaccustomed to seeing Horatio in this manner, Calleigh cleared her throat roughly, shattering the deafening silence.

"I'm not in the mood for more excuses, Horatio," Calleigh stated sardonically .Although his slack appearance had its desired effect, she couldn't allow even a sliver of compassion. The end game was far more important than playing to Horatio's battered emotions. When he lifted his eyes to meet hers, she forced down the tears that threatened to spill over, steeling herself for the fight of her life.

It seemed as though eons passed before Horatio ventured to speak, his voice filled with pain and fear. "I deserve everything you dish out, Calleigh. I've taken you on this road and then abandoned you. I've done everything I said I wouldn't do…I've hurt you…"

"Yes, you have," Calleigh interrupted, "but this is nothing new, Horatio. We've been through this before, we've said the same words, had the same fights, suffered through the same silence. It has to stop."

"I was thirteen the first time my father hit my mother. Raymond and I were just coming home from school and the moment I entered the house, I could feel something different. It was quiet as if there was an expectation hanging in the air." Staring out into nothingness, Horatio saw the images in his memories and felt the emotions welling. He hadn't relived those dreadful moments with anyone, hadn't felt entirely secure with revealing that his father used them all for punching bags. But now that he was facing fatherhood, he felt as if it were time to exercise those demons for good.

Refocusing on the present, Horatio turned to Calleigh and continued, "That first time, it was a smack across her cheek. I remember thinking 'how could he do that to her?' It was nothing compared to what my father had in store for us."

Calleigh remained quiet as he confessed the horrors he'd experienced and as she listened, she could hear the fear Horatio alluded to when he spoke. He was afraid that because he was his father's son, he would ultimately revert to the sadistic abuse he'd suffered as a kid. The thought of Horatio enduring such atrocities and the belief that he would turn out like his bastard of a father fueled Calleigh's anger even more.

Before he could finish his woeful tale, Calleigh interrupted, holding her hand up to stop him from uttering another heart breaking word. She attempted to gather her wits before she spoke, realizing that she'd now navigated into perilous territory. There was so much more at stake here.

"You don't have to say anymore, Horatio. You've said enough," Calleigh interjected softly.

A deafening silence descended between them and Calleigh took that time to really study the man before her. As haunted by his past as he was, he still stood as a pillar of strength for those who couldn't stand for themselves. He strove to right the wrongs committed against the innocents of the world and yet, he believed that the roots of his father's evil were firmly planted in him. Calleigh couldn't believe that, she couldn't believe that Horatio, a man of such integrity, of such valor would one day resort to cowardice.

Calleigh placed her hand on her rounded belly and exhaled lightly, "Horatio, you…you're not seeing the full picture here. Yes, you have your father's blood flowing through your veins but you are not your father. If the shadow of your father resided within you, don't you think I would've seen even a hint of him? Do you think I would love a man who would take his anger out on the ones he loved? Do you think I would want my child to be subjected to the fear, sadness, and resentment that I encountered when I was a kid?"

Calleigh's confession surprised Horatio and he leaned forward, his weary countenance morphing into concern. In Calleigh's cold gaze, he saw the truth of his past: pain knew pain. Without a word, he stood and approached, kneeling in front of Calleigh as she bowed her head. It had taken a lot for her to reveal such a horrible past and instead of feeling pity for her, he felt much more of a connection.

Reaching to lift her chin, he exhaled lightly and shook his head, "Pain knows pain, Calleigh. Even though I never showed you, you saw it, didn't you? You saw the truth."

Calleigh wiped her eyes and nodded, "I needed you to say it, Horatio. I needed you to acknowledge it and let it go. It's the only way we're going to be able to move on." Calleigh cupped his cheek and stroked it lovingly, "I am angry, Horatio. I'm angry, petrified, happy, sad …excited. I'm the woman who loves you, no matter what. It's time you understood who you really are. You're not your father. You don't have to walk that road. Trust me enough to follow me. Walk with me, Handsome."

Horatio glanced down to see her free hand extended and chuckled lightly as he took it, marveling at how soft her touch was. Instantly, the choking darkness receded and he squeezed her hand before placing them both on her belly. The life inside of her womb represented a new beginning, one that he felt compelled to protect at any costs. Gone was the fear of what could happen and instead of dreading what the future held, Horatio was choosing to embrace it.

He was ready to walk down that road with Calleigh.

From this moment, there would be no turning back for either of them.

TBC…


End file.
